


Film Noir

by romanticalgirl



Category: American (US) Actor RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-07
Updated: 2017-10-07
Packaged: 2019-01-10 09:46:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 36,290
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12296580
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/romanticalgirl/pseuds/romanticalgirl
Summary: Chris directs. Sebastian acts. Secrets are confessed. Things are misunderstood. Lies get told. And everyone gets a happy ending.





	Film Noir

**Author's Note:**

  * For [maurheti](https://archiveofourown.org/users/maurheti/gifts).



> many many many many thanks to my darling [ who is amazing.](https://archiveofourown.org/users/maurheti/pseuds/maurheti)

They go out for sushi, because sushi is ridiculous, especially in L.A. They spend a good half hour daring each other to eat more more and more straight wasabi as they catch up, and most of that time is spent breathless with laughter. 

When they finally pay attention to the dirty looks they’re getting from the people working at the restaurant and the other patrons, they settle down and limit themselves to one last dirty joke and a few snickers.

“So, I’ve got this part.” Chris sucks at segues. “Noir thing. You know, Sam Spade and all that? Detective, lies, murder, dangerous men, dangerous women.” Sebastian nods and gestures with his chopsticks for Chris to go on. “It’s different though. I mean, it’s more today gritty than forties gritty.”

Sebastian’s seen _Snowpiercer_ , so he doesn’t have any doubt Chris can pull off gritty, though him doing it without a beard might be a little more difficult. But Chris is a good actor, so if anyone can do it with a clean, chiseled jaw, clear blue eyes, and so much goddamned good shining out of him, Sebastian knows it’s Chris. “That’s great. When do you start filming?”

“Not sure yet.”

“Surprised I didn’t hear about the part. Probably above my b-list status.”

Chris’s brow furrows. “What?”

“What?”

“Okay, first off, you’re an amazing actor--”

Sebastian tries to cut him off, because it’s okay for Chris to be self-deprecating, but no one else is allowed. “I…”

“And second of all, you _are_ hearing about the part.”

“Yes. After you got it.”

The furrow gets deeper and then Chris starts laughing. Real, honest-to-god bellowing laughter, hand on his chest. Sebastian raises an eyebrow, then rolls his eyes when that seems to make Chris laugh harder. Finally he settles on ignoring the hyena across from him and goes back to his sushi. He’s eaten two dragon rolls before Chris manages a deep breath and wipes the tears out of his eyes.

“You’re lucky you’re Captain America, man. Otherwise they’d have kicked your ass out of this place, and I’d have gotten to eat your lunch.” He reaches across with his chopsticks and steals one of Chris’s spicy tuna rolls. Chris smacks Sebastian’s chopsticks with his own, but Sebastian is a master of them, so he manages to get away without it dropping and shoves it in his mouth.

“Sebs, Sebs, Sebs.” Chris shakes his head. “You are so _dense_ , man.”

“Oh, right. One of the Marvel Chris trifectas of blond, muscled white guys is mocking me with a role I’d be perfect for, and now he’s calling me names.”

Chris leans forward and taps his chopsticks on the side of Sebastian’s water glass. “I’m _directing_. And you’re right. You’re perfect for the part. Which is _why_ I’m telling you about it.”

“Oh.” Sebastian is a little dumbstruck, but he tries not to let it show. The problem is that Chris knows him pretty well, and, if his smirk is anything to go by, Chris knows exactly how he’s feeling. “Oh.”

“And when I was reading the script and pitching a bid to direct it, I just so casually suggested that I knew someone who would be fucking amazing as the protagonist. Assuming, of course, that _he_ wasn’t busy being Captain America.”

“You’re shitting me.”

“Would I be buying you lunch just to blow smoke up your ass?”

Sebastian considers it for a minute. “If we were at some cold-ass beach restaurant in the middle of winter in Boston? Yeah. But you’re being all L.A.”

“And I’m offering you this role if you want it. I mean, we have to go through the lawyers and the agents and shit, but if you want it, it’s yours.”

“I’m doing alright, Chris. I don’t need favors.”

“This is about my movie, Sebs, and if you think I’m going to risk that for a favor for a friend, you’re fucking insane and you know it. You act like hell with your eyes, and that’s what I need for some stoic dick with a heart of gold. I need people to see and feel this guy so he’s more than just a cypher to move the plot. I know what you can do.”

“You’re calling me a dick?”

“Don’t pretend you don’t know what I’m talking about.” For a moment Chris looks worried. “You don’t want the part?”

Sebastian steals a volcano roll of Chris’s plate this time. He’s got his own food, but it’s fun to see what he can get away with. A whole hell of a lot of his relationship with Chris is giving each other shit. “I want the fuck out of this part.”

Chris’s worried expression slides into a pleased grin and then a full-blown smile. Fuck, Sebastian’s pretty sure _noone_ can defend against that smile. Not even Scarlett. “You’ll do it. I mean, it’s for scale. I probably should have said that earlier. I’m still classed as a vanity director. But I think it’s something that could give me some cred. And I think you’ll like the script. It could mean something for you too.”

“You don’t have to keep selling me on it.”

“I want you to read the script first. Not do this just because I’m asking you to.” 

“Like I do anything you ask me to.”

“True.” This time Chris reaches across the table and steals uni off Sebastian’s plate. “Asshole.”

**

The script is good. Quirky, but not in a Woody Allen way. Dark enough for the noir tag Chris gave it, but not bleak. It’s not necessarily a happy ending, but that appeals to Sebastian in the same way it appeals to Chris.

He _wants_ this part.

And the fact that Chris read it with him in mind hits him right in the gut. He and Chris are friends. He knows that. They’re not the matched set of idiots he and Mackie are, but they’re close. But he believes Chris that this isn’t about that friendship. Sebastian _knows_ he can do this part, and do the hell out of it. 

He’s barely finished reading when he’s calling his agent to get in touch with Chris’s. He gets a text from Chris a couple hours later, right before a courier shows up at his house with a copy of the contract for him to read over. The text is a series of stupid emojis followed by a simple _thank you_ Sebastian thinks Chris has it backwards, but maybe he’s right. Maybe this is beneficial to both of them. 

He goes into his agent’s office the next day and signs everything. She pushes him to look at getting higher than scale -- his stock is rising now that the rumors that he’s taking the shield over from Chris are hitting in much more concrete ways -- but that’s not what this is about. He suspects she knows it, so she simply nods when he says he’s fine with scale. She gives him the sketched-out itinerary of pre-production and shooting. “You’re sure about this?”

“Sure as anything.” He grins at her. “I’ll remind you that one of my last movies was _The Bronze_.”

“Ah, yes. That amazing bit of cinematic masterpiece.” She smirks. “If only someone had advised you against that.”

He laughs. “Right. Listen to my agent.”

She nods this time. “I do think this is a good part for you. I just don’t want you doing it because you think you… Owe Chris something.”

“I do though. But that’s not why I’m doing this.”

“Okay.” She raps the papers against the desk to straighten them. “I’ll get this sent over.”

**

There’s another reason for wanting to work with Chris that Sebastian’s careful not to mention. It’s no secret that he likes and admires Chris, that he respects him, that he loves working with him. The other reason is because Sebastian is, quite possible, a little in love with him. Definitely turned on by him. And when he walks onto the set that first day and Chris is standing there with his beard and his tight henley and his glasses on, talking to someone only to look up, see Sebastian, and _smile_ , he finally realizes that maybe this movie is a really, really bad idea.

“Sebs!” He walks over and shakes Sebastian’s hand then pulls him into a tight hug. “Good to see you, man.”

“You too.” He hugs back and closes his eyes for just a second. “You all ready to boss us around?”

“You kidding? Why d’you think I took this job. Damn actors need to be put in their place.”

Sebastian snorts. “Pot. Kettle. Black. Or physician heal thyself.” 

“Yeah, yeah. You know what a jerk I am. I get it.” He claps Sebastian on the shoulder, and Sebastian’s reminded of Cap and Bucky, even though neither of them look like that now. Apparently jumping into a friendship with a guy when you’re not so subtextually playing the undying love of his life can be a bit disorienting. “Now get to work, ya jerk.”

“Punk.” Sebastian smiles and heads over to makeup where his assistant is hovering. He’s not sure how he rates an assistant, but he’s pretty sure she’s probably a relative of Chris’s. He’s like that. Family first. Family always. Sebastian’s pretty lucky to count himself Chris’s friend, because Chris doesn’t seem to see a distinction between the two.

His costar, Addison, is in makeup when he gets there, and he introduces himself. She’s an unknown, and whether Chris cast her or someone else did, she’s perfect for the part. Full, pouty lips, long, dark lashes, sultry eyes. He knows part of it’s the makeup, but damn. She stands up to shake his hand, despite the obvious frustration and annoyance of the makeup team, and he can see the curves of her body, luscious in a way that movies don’t feature anymore. She reminds him of Hayley, and Sebastian’s wondering if Chris has a type.

He slips into his own chair before he lets the smile slip off his face. Chris does have a type. Everyone does. _Sebastian_ has a type for both guys and girls. Simple, easygoing, sense of humor, strength of character. Chris actually _is_ goddamn Captain America, and apparently Sebastian’s in as deep shit in real life as Bucky is in the movies. Fuck.

“Relax, Sebastian,” his makeup artist says softly. “You’re making it hard to make you more beautiful.”

He rolls his eyes and she laughs. He doesn’t and never has shit where he eats, and it doesn't matter what level of the cast or crew the person is. People know people who know people, and you never know when something will come back around and bite you on the ass. He’s seen and heard of it happening, and he swore to himself when he decided he was going to be an actor that he wouldn't be _that guy_ , and, more importantly, he wouldn’t be that stupid.

So far, so good.

Most of the time sets are more hurry up and wait than anything, but it’s different now that’s Sebastian’s in the main role. He’s in the majority of the scenes which means a ton of dialogue, a lot of costume changes, and way too many klieg lights. His makeup gets touched up all the time. He knows Chris wants to stay on time and under budget, so he works a lot, even the first day. Chris is a perfectionist, but he knows both sides of the camera, so he understands actors just as well as he knows about being a director. Probably better. It makes it both easier and more difficult, but by the time they’re done for the day, Sebastian’s relaxed and joking and confident.

Chris comes over after he calls it a night and shakes Sebastian’s hand. “Good work today. Maybe relax a little earlier tomorrow. It looked really good there at the end. Not that the beginning wasn’t good, but there at the end. Yeah. That’s what we’re going for.”

“Got it, boss.” He grins at Chris. “So what does the big, bad director do now?”

“Stay up all night reviewing footage. Aren’t you jealous?”

“You mean it’s not all champagne and parties?”

“Not even close. Maybe a beer and a plate of nachos.”

“I cannot get past the jealousy right now.”

Chris tilts his head a little. “You wanna come?”

“Pardon?”

“Look at some of it. See a little bit of what I’m looking for.”

Sebastian looks around at the set. All the actors are gone, and he’s vaguely aware that Chris had said goodbye to all of them before coming over to talk to him. The crew are still moving around, setting up the first scene for tomorrow and slowly powering things down. “You sure?”

“I’ll even put the beer on my expense account. And, as long as you don’t mind jalapenos, you can have some nachos too.”

He thinks for a moment, then nods. “Sure. Especially if you saw a change in my performance. Don’t want to fuck up. Understand the director’s a dick.”

“You’re the dick. Even got your name on the frosted glass door.”

“Joke wasn’t funny the first time.”

Chris bumps his elbow against Sebastian’s. “Admit it. It was a little funny.”

“Your face is funny.”

Chris slings an arm around Sebastian’s shoulders. “You’d better be careful. I’m the one who gets to decide how good you look in this.”

**

It’s interesting to watch the footage with Chris. That same knowledge from both sides of the camera comes into play, and he makes a host of notes as he frowns at the screen. Sebastian stays quiet beside him for the most part, sipping his beer and glancing at Chris occasionally. Half the time Chris is frowning, but sometimes there’s a smile on his face, bright and familiar. 

“Right here,” Chris says, and Sebastian’s eyes snap back to the screen. Chris pauses it and jumps back. “Watch.” 

Sebastian watches his own performance, feeling a blush rise up on his cheeks. His skin doesn’t show it as easily as Chris’s does, but he can feel it burning. Because he can see exactly what Chris means. He can see the moment his performance changes, the moment he _relaxes_ into the character. “Shit. Shit. I wasted a lot of time today.”

“Nah. We can work with it.”

“No. shit. You should have called me out on it.”

“I wasn’t sure what was missing, what I wanted, until I saw it. Before it was good. This is better.” He points out a couple of things -- the way Sebastian holds himself, the way he makes his way around the props like he really is the character. Sebastian asks questions and Chris answers, and they end up debating a few aspects of the performance and the character. 

Sebastian loves this part. Camaraderie and bouncing ideas off each other. He and Chris do it well, like they know each other’s strengths and weaknesses. Maybe they do, even though so many of their scenes were about action, not emotion. Maybe Chris trying to settle Sebastian’s nerves on the first Captain America -- and second, and third -- just let him see more of Sebastian than he realized. 

Heat comes back to his face and he focuses on the screen rather on Chris. He’s grateful he obviously didn’t make a fool of himself, or let show more than he wanted, didn’t give himself away. 

After another half hour, Chris cuts the footage off and stretches, arms up to the ceiling and shirt pulling even tighter. Sebastian can’t help but watch, because it’s fucking mesmerizing. The movement of the muscles of Chris’s back, the play of the fabric over them. His hands itch to feel him, to feel Chris move against his touch. “All right. I’m going to bed.” Chris stands up and looks down at Sebastian. “You coming?”

Sebastian swallows hard. “Uh. Yeah. Just…”

“Good.” Chris makes sure all of their dirty dishes and beer bottles are on the room service cart before he picks up his laptop. “See you tomorrow. Sleep well.”

“Yeah. Yeah. You too, Chris.”

He grabs his jacket and follows Chris out into the hallway, separating from him so he can go up the stairs, not sure he trusts himself in an elevator with Chris right now. His room is at the other end of the hall, so he manages to make it inside before he hears the ding of the elevator reaching their floor. He locks his door and leans on it, breathing for an endless moment before he shoves off it and tugs his shirt over his head, shedding it and his jeans, kicking them off with his shoes and his socks as he stumbles to the bed.

He twists so he lands on his back and lifts his hips off the mattress to tug his boxer briefs down. His cock is half-hard and Chris’s voice is echoing in his head. Sebastian’s dick doesn’t seem to care that Chris’s context isn’t the one that jumped into Sebastian’s mind, and Sebastian can’t stop it playing over and over. 

He’s thick in his fist, the foreskin sliding with every stroke, the slick head shiny when he thrusts up. He’s seen articles and pictures of Chris, seen him stripped down to just the pants of his uniform on the set, seen his naked ass more than once, and every image scrolls through his head as he fucks into his hand. 

He runs his free hand through his hair, shoving it back, then reaches for the base of his cock. He circles it tightly, pressing down against his skin, keeping his orgasm at bay. He needs more hands -- needs Chris’s hands -- to touch him. Needs fingers pinching his nipples and fucking into his ass. He _wants_ , and it’s all too much and not enough. He’s muttering to himself in a mixture of English and Romanian, brain refusing to work as his orgasm builds. 

He pictures Chris over him, braced above him with his goddamned smile lighting up his face. Pictures him staring down at him with black pupils covering the goddamned blue of his eyes. Pictures him asking him again. “You coming?”

Sebastian gives in with a groan and does.

**

Sebastian can’t exactly stay away from Chris. They talk closely every day, going over scenes and what Chris is looking for. He spends equal time with all the actors, so Sebastian’s able to compartmentalize it. He does decline any more offers to look at footage now that he knows the direction Chris wants him to take his character in, and after a day or two, Sebastian realizes he’s having fun. Chris’s laugh and personality are infectious, and he keeps the set positive even though he’s a tough and determined director. 

Sebastian likes working with him when he’s acting and not _thinking_ , when his brain isn’t spinning off in directions it needs to stay the hell away from. As the first week of shooting winds down, Sebastian knows he should go home for a while, get out of Chris’s vicinity, but instead he hangs around, even accepting an invitation from some of the other cast members and crew to go out with them to a local bar.

He doesn’t get drunk, but he does get warm and buzzed, and he’s having a damn good time. All the good feeling from the set seems to have come with them. There’s a girl at the bar who keeps looking over, catching Sebastian’s eye. She’s not his type, but he’s been doing his damnedest not to jerk off, not to think about Chris, for a week now, and she looks interested, so he makes the excuse of getting another beer to move over to her. 

“Hey.”

“Hi. You’re with the movie crew.”

“Yep.” He grins and signals for another bottle. “What’re you drinking?”

She tells him and he gestures to her glass too and the bartender nods. Sebastian sits beside her, elbows on the bar and looking out at the crowd. “Are you…” She blushes, and he wonders if it’s an affectation. “You’re the star, right? Sebastian Stan?”

“Not a star, but yeah. I’m one of the leads.”

“I really loved you in _Political Animals_.” She smiles and then leans in. “And _Gossip Girl_.”

He laughs, watching her through narrowed eyes. She looks pleased at his response. He turns when the bartender comes up, paying for both their drinks. She waits until he’s facing her to put a hand on his leg to keep him from turning around.

“You want to get out of here?”

He does; not in the way she means, but he nods anyway. Grabbing his beer, he drinks it in three long swallows while she practically shoots her drink back. She stands up and threads a finger through one of his belt loops. 

“Your room or my place?”

“Uh. Mine?”

“Sure.” She opens the door to the car as they reach it. “Get in. I’ll drive.”

He’s got no doubt about that. They get to the hotel and he leads her inside, keeping his face averted from the hotel staff. He’s not drunk enough to _not_ know what he’s doing, but he’s drunk enough to not really care that he’s doing it for all the wrong reasons. It’s not like he’s going to get what he really wants, and she’s willing and he’s willing and they’re both consenting adults.

And this would be a fuck lot easier if his brain would shut up.

She presses him against the wall of the elevator and kisses him, edging her way between his legs until she’s flush against him. she traces his lower lip with the tip of her tongue before she licks in to taste the inside of his mouth. He can taste her gin and tonic. Neither of them manages to push a button, but the elevator starts up anyway. Sebastian works his hands up the back of her thighs and slides his hands over the curve of her ass in her tight jeans. 

His cock is hard, the head rubbing against the cotton of his underwear and leaving it wet. Her breasts are hard against his chest and he can feel the press of her nipples against him. He lets one hand move up to her hip, intent on finding out exactly how hard the nipple is under her bra when the elevator dings open.

They’re at the restaurant at the top floor, and the sound of quiet dining fills the elevator. Sebastian grabs her hips and pushes her away from him, knowing that’s a bad idea with how hard he is but also knowing that facing the music of being caught groping in public would be much better head-on. Except when he looks past her dark hair, all he sees is Chris.

Shit.

Chris nods his head brusquely and enters the elevator, standing on the opposite side. The girl turns and Sebastian can see the _second_ she realizes who’s in the elevator with them. Her mouth drops open like she can’t believe that Chris is a real person who would need to eat and drink, to ride in an elevator and not just some mystical Hollywood actor. A _real_ actor.

Chris is on his phone, refusing to look at either of them. His mouth twitches, and something familiar about it lets Sebastian know he’s texting with Scott. It’s a smile reserved for his brother, and Sebastian’s flooded with fear that Chris is telling Scott what Sebastian is doing. Was doing.

The elevator gets to their floor and Chris finally looks at them and nods again. “Have a good night you two.”

“You too,” the girl calls and then turns to Sebastian. “Oh my god, that was Chris Evans.”

“Yeah. I know.”

“No. _Chris Evans_.”

“Yes. I know. I’ve met him.” His voice is dry, even though he’s impressed she kept quiet that long. Most people would have taken advantage of the enclosed space of the elevator to say something, do something.

She laughs. “Of course you have. Duh. I mean, I knew that. I just didn’t think I’d ever, you know, _see_ him. God, he’s hot. Shit, I mean, his ass is really like that.”

Sebastian closes his eyes, because this happens when people are confronted with a bigger star, but doing so means that he can very vividly picture Chris’s ass, both in and out of clothes. “Yeah. No CGI.”

“I mean, your ass is really nice too.”

Sebastian laughs, and it’s not entirely funny. “Okay, um. I think we should call it a night. My director catching me in the act kind of killed my interest. No offense.”

“No. I mean, none taken. Can I take a selfie with you though?”

“Sure.” Sebastian combs his hand through his hair and wraps his arm around her, letting her take the picture. He’s smiling and she’s smiling, and you can’t even tell that he’d been close to dropping her on his bed and fucking her. She hugs him and then walks back to the elevator, her eyes trained on the door to Chris’s room.

Fuck.

**

Sebastian waits until the elevator doors shut, then walks down the hall, knocking on Chris’s door. “Chris? Can I talk to you? I’m alone.”

“Yeah. Hold on.” He hears noises that he can’t identify, then the deadbolt slipping free. Chris opens the door and stands there, leaning against the wall next to it. He’s in a pair of sweats that hang low on his hips, and he’s not wearing a shirt. “What’s up?”

Sebastian feels that “my cock” would be the wrong answer to that question. “About… Well, before. What you saw.”

Chris’s brow furrows. “What about it?”

“I mean, I didn’t mean to… Um, embarrass you or anything. Or the movie.” 

The furrow clears up and Chris laughs. It’s not his usual laugh, but it’s something. “Sebs, you’re a young, unattached actor. Hot girls are going to be falling all over you. You don’t have to apologize or whatever. It’s fine.”

“No. It’s not. I mean, I was a little buzzed and just… It was dumb.”

“As long as it doesn’t impact your performance, it’s fine. You think none of the other people on the crew aren’t meeting people and having fun?”

“You’re not.” 

“Yeah, well, I got out of a relationship not too long ago. And I’m… Weird about them. Relationships.” He seems to realize where he’s at and straightens. “Shit. You want to come in?”

More than Sebastian can possibly say, but he also knows it would be one of the worst ideas he’s had in a long, long time. “Nah. I should probably get to bed. I’ve got some lines to go over in the morning. Gotta be ready for work on Monday.”

“You got the weekend for a reason. C’mon. Come in. I’m just storyboarding and if you’re here, _I’ll_ actually take a break.”

He needs to say no. Every self-preservation instinct he has is saying no, and everything else in his body is saying yes. “You sure?”

“Yeah. Bad enough I spent dinner eating alone and listening to Marcus argue with me about script changes. I’m liable to spend all weekend on that very uncomfortable chair working until I fall asleep in it and fuck up my back for the rest of the year. Save me, Sebastian. You’re my only hope.”

Sebastian shakes his head. “You’re an idiot.” 

“Good thing I’m cute, huh?” He grins kind of sheepishly, self-deprecating like usual. He moves out of the way so Sebastian can walk in. Sebastian casts a quick glance at the two queen beds -- one covered with Steve’s scripts and notes and a messenger bag spilling over with papers. The other bed is made but rumpled, and Chris’s t-shirt and jeans are thrown over the end of it. Bypassing them, Sebastian sits in the desk chair near Chris’s laptop. “A physical blockade. Good thinking.”

“I’m a great strategist when it comes to not working.” 

Chris laughs and flops down on the bed on his stomach, raising up on his elbows. The action pulls his sweats down slightly in the back, and Sebastian looks away quickly. He nods to the pile on the other bed. “You looking to act or direct?”

“A little bit of both, I guess? I want to keep directing, but I can’t say I wouldn’t jump at a part if it felt right. I’ve got to finance my vanity projects with something, right?”

“Buddy, Captain America is going to be paying your bills for the rest of your life. Pretty sure you’re in the enviable position of acting when and if you want to, not because you have to.”

Chris blushes and shrugs, and Sebastian can’t help but smile. Sometimes he wonders how it’s possible for Chris to be real. 

“Besides, with such a compelling and talented lead in your new movie, you’re going to become the new in-demand director. All of us will be saying ‘I knew him when he was in _Another Teen Movie_ ’.”

“Except you didn’t.”

“Doesn’t mean I won’t say I did.” The teasing feels good. Like they’re back on equal footing. Chris rests his forehead on the bed and sighs, and Sebastian tilts his head. “You okay?”

“Tired.”

“That’s because you’re working too hard. And I’d offer to get out of your hair so you can sleep, but I have a feeling you’d just go back to work, which would defeat the purpose.”

Chris’s bare shoulders shake with a laugh. “It’s like you know me.”

“I could… Hmm. I don’t know any ways of relaxing people other than sex.” He doesn’t realize he’s said it until Chris looks up at him. He nearly chokes at the curve of a smile. “I mean, I could go find that girl for you, if you want. Pretty sure she wanted to go to your room rather than mine when she realized who you were.”

“No. Not really my type. Thanks, though.”

“Oh? What is your type? Maybe I can find someone for you.” 

“I’m more of a personality guy.”

“You’ve just made thousands of not-traditionally beautiful girls all over the world sigh happily and they don’t even know why.”

“You’re ridiculous. I’d forgotten that.” He stretches out his arms so he can grab the edge of the mattress and brings his shoulders up. Sebastian hears the crack as they roll forward and then Chris sinks back down onto the bed.

“Seriously, is there anything I can do to help you sleep? I can… Well, I can kinda sing. I can play piano. I could bore you to death.”

Chris turns his face in Sebastian’s direction. He’s smiling, but his eyes are closed. “There is one thing.”

Sebastian swallows, and wills his cock to stop sitting up and taking notice. Chris is _not_ going to ask Sebastian for anything cock-involved. “Yeah? What’s that?”

Steve gets up and walks toward Sebastian and Sebastian has to swallow hard. The sweatpants seem to hang even lower and he can see the dark golden hair that trails from beneath Chris’s navel down to where it starts to widen at the waistband. Chris puts his left hand on the right arm of Sebastian’s chair and leans down beside it. Sebastian’s pulse is pounding in his throat and he blinks to keep from staring.

Straightening up, Chris hands Sebastian a book. “Read to me. But do it in Romanian.”

“Read to you.”

“Yeah.” He gestures at the book. “You said you wanted to help.”

“You think Romanian is boring?”

“No.”

“Ah, just my voice.”

“Yeah.” He dodges the jab of Sebastian’s hand. “Nah. It just relaxes me. I mean, if you want. You don’t have to.”

“No. I want to. It’ll be nice.” He looks at the cover of the book and raises an eyebrow. “Do people really read stuff like this?”

“Yes. You do.”

Sebastian opens the book. “What chapter are you on?”

“Start at the beginning.”

“I’m not reading seven-hundred-sixty pages to you, Evans.”

“Don’t worry. You’ll put me to sleep before then.” He pulls down the comforter and lies on the bed, the sheet just covering the tops of his feet. He sets his glasses aside and looks over at Sebastian. “Aaaaaand, action.”

Chris must have been exhausted given how quickly he falls asleep. Sebastian’s barely gotten through two chapters before Chris’s breathing has evened out. He’s got one arm across his eyes and the other across his stomach. To Sebastian it looks like a defensive position, but it’s also possible they could have turned off the overhead light and he could have used a lamp to read by. He snaps the one on the desk on and then goes over to hit the main switch. Chris makes a soft noise and then his hand falls down beside him. 

Sebastian just stares. He’s well aware he’s being intensely creepy, but Chris Evans is a peak human specimen. He’s got amazing body definition without looking overly muscular. His lips stand out pink and lush against his beard, and his dark lashes are like soot on his cheeks. Fuck, he’s beautiful.

He moves from the desk chair to a potentially more comfortable easy chair beside the bed and picks up the book again. It figures the damn thing would be interesting. He figures he’ll read just a little bit longer, make sure Chris is really asleep, and then he’ll steal back to his bedroom, hopefully tired enough that he won’t jerk off to the thought of Chris like this, even though Sebastian’s sure he’s got the sight memorized.

**

“Sebaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaastian.” 

It’s a low, soft whisper and he brushes his hand against his ear and mutters something explicitly rude in Romanian. He shifts, trying to get comfortable, but he feels like he’s sitting in a cardboard box lined with kitty litter.

“Oh, Sebaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaastian.”

“I’ll fucking cut you.”

“Nice words coming from the guy asleep in my room.”

The voice and the words hit him at once and he jerks, sitting straight up. “Fuck. Fuck. Shit. Chris. Sorry. Shit.”

“Hey Calm down. It’s fine. Well, you’re probably going to need to spend a few months at the chiropractor, but other than that it’s fine.” He’s sitting on the edge of the bed, obviously trying not to laugh as Sebastian blinks to clear his eyes and his head. Giving up on that, he rubs both eyes with the back of his hands just like he used to when he was a kid. It apparently sets Chris off, because he starts laughing.

“Fucker.” Sebastian pulls one hand away so he can flip Chris off. That just makes Chris laugh harder. He falls back on the bed, and Sebastian finally clears his eyes enough that he gets a look of Chris’s flat stomach, curved in slightly from lying on his back. The position pulls Chris’s sweats taut, and Sebastian suddenly has a _very good_ idea of the covered parts of Chris’s physique. 

Chris sits up, still chuckling, then leans forward and picks the book up off the floor. “I hope you remember what page you were on.”

“I didn’t mean to fall asleep. You dropped off pretty quick, but I wanted to make sure you didn’t wake up again and need more boredom.”

“Nope. You sufficiently bored me the first time.” He sets the book on the bed next to him. “You could _not_ have been comfortable there. I have, you know, this whole other bed you could have crashed on.”

“Nah. I’m fine.” Sebastian stands and groans when he tries to straighten up. “What the hell is that thing? Medieval torture device?”

“In flowered upholstery.” Chris frowns. “You want me to call the spa and get you set up for a massage? My treat, given that I was the reason you contorted yourself into an impossible shape for the night.”

“That’s not necessary.”

“I didn’t ask if it was necessary. I asked if you wanted it.” He pokes Sebastian in the stomach and Sebastian jerks forward and groans again. “But I’m probably going to just ignore you and say you need it, order it, and direct you to go to the spa. So either way, I win.”

“Fine, but I heard your back last night, so if I go, you go.”

Chris narrows his eyes, obviously sizing Sebastian up, like he’s assessing a threat. “Yeah, all right.” He reaches for the hotel phone and dials, not looking away from Sebastian as he sets up two massages. Sebastian just lifts an eyebrow and holds Chris's gaze. “Okay.” He hangs up. “Half an hour. Meet you at the elevator.”

“If you’re not there, I’m coming in here and dragging you down there by your ear.”

“You sound like my mother.”

“I sound like _my_ mother. Trust me, threats are threats in any language.”

**

Sebastian knows that spending time with Chris is a bad idea. But they’re friends even though Sebastian has some sort of ridiculous and useless crush. He doesn’t want to upset the balance on the set by keeping away from Chris, and he sure as hell doesn’t want to ruin their friendship, so he’s caught in a catch-22.

Fortunately they have a movie to focus on, and during the week, Chris is consumed with it. Sebastian stays away from the bar and temptation of any sort, spending as much time with his script as he can. Chris has a vision -- said with air quotes whenever Chris uses the word -- so Sebastian reads it with that in mind.

He also spends most nights sprawled naked in his bed, fisting his cock and imagining Chris’s hand, wondering what Chris would think of an uncut cock, what he’d do, how he’d react, if he’d play with it, tease it until Sebastian was begging.

He strokes the skin up, rubbing it over the head again and again until he aches with want. He bites his lower lip and whimpers, trying to last, but he suddenly thinks about having to _teach_ Chris how to do all of this -- with an uncut cock or, god help him, his first cock -- and no amount of self-restraint can stop him from crashing over the edge. 

He pants through the aftershocks, finally having to release himself because the sensation is too much. It takes almost fifteen minutes before he can get out of the bed, and when he does, he stumbles to the bathroom. He climbs into the shower and braces himself against the wall, letting the water pound down on the top of his head. He twists the knob to cold, ignoring the goosebumps on his skin. 

He wishes he could wash the want out of him, hating that he feels like he’s taking advantage of their friendship. He tugs on a pair of boxers before climbing back in bed, swearing to himself that this was the last time.

He can almost pretend he believes it.

**

“Sebs. Sebs. Wait up.” Chris jogs up to him when Sebastian gets to the set. “We’re switching things up a little bit today, so I won’t need you until this afternoon. You want to hang out behind the camera?”

Sebastian’s torn between saying no because he does have some small sense of self-preservation, and yes because he does want to direct at some point. And it’s Chris and, if Sebastian’s honest with himself, saying no is difficult. Saying no to his face is actually impossible. “I don’t know. Don’t want to get in the way of genius.”

“No, man. Remember. _I’m_ directing. There’s no genius here.”

Chris’s smile makes resistance an actually laughable notion. “Yeah, okay. But if I get in the way or bother you, you’ve gotta tell me.”

“Have I _ever_ had trouble with that?”

Sebastian doesn’t bother answering. He goes and drops his stuff off -- they’re not bothering with the cost of trailers, putting the money into the hotel and production itself. He wanders back over to Chris, standing close enough to hear as he talks to the cinematographer about the next scene. 

It ends up being educational because Chris is a good teacher, explaining his decisions to Sebastian and actually listening to his production crew. He doesn’t always agree, but he always explains his reasoning, though Sebastian isn’t sure if that’s for his benefit or if that’s just the way he works. Sebastian’s pretty sure that’s just Chris.

The afternoon flies by since they’re shooting an action scene, and it’s tame enough that they all do their own stunts after an hour of blocking and practice. It’s one of Sebastian’s favorite things when he gets to do it. The Avengers movies are the best of course, since they end up being at least half fighting, even if the rest of the cast does tease him about his attachment to the knife.

They break for the day once they finish. Chris looks satisfied, and Sebastian feels like he’s got a layer of sweat all over him between his skin and his suit. He goes to the room they’ve got set aside for the costumes and strips out of the suit, scrubbing his skin dry with one of the rough hotel towels. He drags on his sweats and tugs his t-shirt over his head. When he turns, Chris is standing there, leaning against the wall, his arms crossed over his chest.

“Hey.”

Chris smiles. “You feel up to a run?”

“I like that you didn’t ask if I actually want to _go_ for a run.”

“I know you don’t want to, but I’m going out to the trails outside of town. Thought you might want to keep me company.”

“Kind of late isn’t it?”

“Sun'll be up for another couple of hours at least. But you don’t have to.”

Sebastian lets his gaze travel down Chris’s body before looking him in the eye. “You’re going to do it regardless, aren’t you?”

“Would I do that?”

“Well,” Sebastian manages not to smile. “It’s unsafe and stupid, so yes.”

“Nice.”

“I just call ‘em like I see ‘em.”

“So you’re ready, then?”

“You’re lucky I like you.”

Chris widens his eyes, the picture of innocence if it weren’t for the curve of his smile. “I am.”

Sebastian smiles and shakes his head, ignoring the swoop of his stomach. “You’re a menace. Let me go up to my room and get my shoes.”

“I’ve got to change anyway.”

They meet in the lobby several minutes later, then take Chris’s Jeep out to a nearby park. They choose one of the numerous trails and start off, falling into sync, evenly paced as they run next to each other. They’re both quiet, the gritty sound of dirt beneath their feet blending in with the sounds of nature surrounding them. It’s nice after the pace of the set. Even though Sebastian spends a lot of his time waiting on set, the air always feels agitated with everything going on. And Chris doesn’t get the downtime Sebastian does, so he’s more than happy to follow Chris’s lead.

When they finally get back to the Jeep, Sebastian's at least as sweaty as he’d been after filming. Chris is covered with a sheen of sweat also, his tank top sticking to his back as he pulls two bottles of water from the cooler in the back. He tosses one to Sebastian, and he takes the cap off. Despite the urge to guzzle it, Sebastian makes himself take slow, even drinks.

Chris slumps against the side of the Jeep, his water held loosely in his hands. He closes his eyes and Sebastian leans next to him. “You okay?”

“Last film I was right by home. I mean, I’m used to being on location, and last time I directed there were only a few of us. As an actor there’s normally this whole cast thing. Don’t have that here.”

“What do you mean?”

“The last movie was small, and I was in it.” He looks over at Sebastian, his smile flashing, then disappearing. “Here I’m _just_ the director, so there’s kind of a distance.”

Sebastian nods slowly, frowning. “Can I do anything?”

Nodding toward the trail they’d just run, Chris smiles for real. “Just did. Thanks.”

“We could have just hung out. Didn’t have to pretend to exercise.”

“Oh, I wasn’t kidding about that. I normally run in the morning, but I didn’t have a chance today.”

“You’re a sick man.”

“Dude. I’ve seen _your_ workouts.”

“Well, if I gotta stand next to you, I’ve got to be in peak physical condition.”

“But you don’t have to anymore.”

“Don’t say that. It’s already weird.”

“Nah. Be honest. You’re glad to be rid of me.”

Sebastian bumps his shoulder against Chris’s. “No. I’m gonna miss the hell out of you.”

“They’re gonna need someone to keep you and Mackie in line. Maybe Marvel will hire me as a nanny.”

“Nah. I’m sure you can find a much better job than that.”

Chris laughs, and it’s the honest and big one that Sebastian loves. He shifts closer so that he and Chris are shoulder to shoulder, leaning against one another. They’re quiet as they finish their waters, and Chris tilts his head back to the sun. Sebastian can’t help staring. He’s fucking beautiful.

“Thanks,” Chris says quietly.

“That what friends are for. C’mon. Let’s go clean up and I’ll take us out for dinner and a couple of beers. Pretend like we’re real people for a while. Get away from all this glitz and glamour.”

Chris looks them over, both sweaty and with a fine layer of dust. “That’s what this is?”

“You know it.” Sebastian reaches over and ruffles Chris’s damp hair. “This here is a regular Hollywood red carpet.”

Chris flicks his bottle at Sebastian, spraying him with the last of his water. “Yeah, okay. Let’s go and see if you can show me a good time.”

**

Chris finally relaxes about halfway through the meal and his second beer. He smiles and jokes more, sprawling comfortably in his chair, his foot occasionally pressing against Sebastian’s when he moves. Sebastian relaxes in response and they fall back into their regular friendship easily. Chris finishes chewing a french fry, then drains his beer, pointing the bottle at Sebastian. “I keep forgetting to ask if you’re still seeing…”

Sebastian cuts him off. “No. We split up about a year ago. No one since. What about you? Anyone new?”

“Ha. No.”

His voice is slightly bitter, so Sebastian raises his bottle. “Well then. Here’s to being single, wild, and free.”

“That’s a thing to toast?”

Sebastian shrugs. “It could be worse?”

“Right.” Chris purses his lips then nods. “We could be hanging out with disgustingly happy married people.”

Sebastian bumps Chris’s fist. They go back to eating until Chris causes him to choke when he tells Sebastian a filthy joke. After that it’s on, trying to make each other lose it with progressively dirtier jokes. Chris ends up flushed red, his eyes even bluer with a sheen of tears of laughter. Sebastian tries not to stare, but he can’t help licking his lips at the sight, hiding it quickly behind a drink of his beer.

When they leave and walk back to the hotel, Chris is loose and casual in faded jeans, a football jersey, and a baseball cap. He scratches his beard, then rubs his hand along the back of his neck. “Thanks for tonight.” He looks over at Sebastian, so sincere it hurts.

“Jesus. It's not like hanging out with you is a fucking hardship.”

Chris shrugs and Sebastian wants to shake him, shake the insecurity out of him. 

And kiss him. But that’s pretty much a permanent state. 

“So. What are you going to do tomorrow?”

They start the series of night shoots the next day so they won’t start until almost nine at night. Sebastian pretends to think. “Sleep. Maybe sleep some more. You?”

“Dailies.”

“You want company?”

“So you can sleep through my cinematic masterpiece?”

“I could probably stay awake. Maybe.”

“I don’t want you to sacrifice.” His smile at least lets Sebastian know that Chris is joking, and that he’s aware that Sebastian is too. “But you’re welcome if you’re a glutton for punishment.”

“Always.”

“And I never took you for the kinky sort.”

“I have many secrets.” Sebastian waggles his eyebrows and Chris cracks up. “Go on and get a good night’s sleep.”

“That’s the director’s line.”

Sebastian ignores him. “I’ll meet you in the morning. How early are you waking me up, Mr. Taskmaster?”

“Still kinky. Say… four?”

“Ha. Fuck you.”

Chris smiles, bumping Sebastian’s shoulder. Sebastian closes his eyes for a moment when they end up walking even closer to each other. Fuck. “Just meet me in the same place when you wake up, Sleeping Beauty. Talent, man. So spoiled. At least make sure you bring good coffee.”

“I’ll bring you the little packet of instant from my room.”

“Wow. I’m responsible for making you look good in this movie, and I don’t even rate good coffee?”

“Not at four in the morning.”

**

Sebastian doesn’t jerk off. He’s the right kind of exhausted from a good day’s work and from the run so that he falls asleep after a quick shower. He wakes up at five, the usual call time, then falls back to sleep until seven-thirty. He pulls on a clean pair of sweats, a t-shirt, and a hoodie. Grabbing his wallet, he leaves the hotel and walks the couple of blocks to the Starbucks, wondering if it’s weird that he knows exactly how Chris takes his coffee.

The smell of it is making it hard not to drink his, but he makes himself wait until he slips into the conference room and sits next to Chris. Without a word, he hands Chris his, and finally takes a drink, moaning softly. “Morning.”

“You’re literally my favorite.” Chris grips his coffee with both hands and takes a deep breath.

“I bet you say that to all your actors.”

“Maybe, but you’re the only one on the set who actually knows what to buy me and actually does it.” He finally takes a drink, and his moan matches Sebastian’s. “I love you.”

“You’re so easy for coffee.” He doesn’t let himself dwell on Chris’s words, doesn’t imagine what it would be like to really hear them. Mostly. He takes another drink of his and doesn’t make another noise, even though the coffee is good and the thought of Chris above him, whispering those words, makes him almost choke on it. He looks around and it’s clear Chris has been working for a while. “When did you get here. It wasn’t really four, was it?”

“No. Six-thirty maybe? Not too long.” He runs his hand through his hair, down his face, over his nose and mouth. He scratches the side of his beard and yawns.

“Yeah, okay. But did you _sleep_ at all?”

“A little.”

“How much?” Chris’s anxiety is mostly under control, but Sebastian has seen it spike before, and he knows Chris is putting himself under a lot of stress. “Chris?”

“Three hours I think.” He avoids Sebastian’s gaze for a bit before he meets his eyes. “I thought the run would help more.”

“Obviously next time I have to make you go harder and longer.” It takes a moment for him to realize what he’s said, and he covers his blush as well as he can with a drink of coffee. Chris blushes as well and it radiates over his skin, even with his tan. Sebastian’s stomach clenches and he clears his throat. 

Before Sebastian can say anything, Chris gets up and walks over to where there’s a bucket of water bottles in ice. “You want some?”

“Not yet, thanks.” He takes another drink of his coffee as he shifts in his seat, watching Chris as he drains half the water bottle in a couple of swallows. 

After a few minutes, Chris comes back and sits, starting the dailies up again. Even without the linear cohesion, he can see what Chris is doing, see all the things he had used to sell Sebastian on the picture coming through.

“It’s looking really good.”

“Thanks.” Chris is frowning at the screen and making notes to himself. “You don’t think that was a bit too much?”

“It won’t be in in the context of the movie.”

“Hmm.”

“I mean, we could reshoot it, but I think it’ll play fine once it’s all knit together.”

“Which is what Kevin told me.”

“Which is what Kevin told you. Three times.” Sebastian raises his eyebrows as Chris’s mouth quirks up. 

“Four, actually.”

“And Kevin’s good at his job. Which is why you hired him.”

“Yes.”

“So you’re going to trust him and me, because we are both right, you are wrong, and besides, that’s why you hired _me_ , right? To save you from the error of your trashy tinsel town ways.”

“Right. Keeping me in line.”

“No wild parties.”

“No trashing hotel rooms.”

“No overzealous and underdressed fans.”

“No orgies.”

“Hey now.” Sebastian holds up his hands. “Don’t go all crazy on me.”

“I’m pretty sure if I walked into an orgy I’d be paralyzed with fear, blushing from head to toe, and have absolutely no idea what to do.”

“Oh, I bet you’d have an idea.” Sebastian winks and Chris punches him on the bicep.

“You know what I mean.”

“You’re a virgin? Is that what you mean?”

“Just because I haven’t told the entire world about my first time…”

“You did too! You told everyone you told your _mom_. Besides, sex is nothing to be ashamed of.” He furrows his brow. “Should I take the Freudian approach here?”

“Mentioning my _mother_ is Oedipal. And you can actually take the ‘go fuck yourself’ approach.”

“So you at least know masturbation.” Sebastian ducks Chris’s fist this time. “And really, using such vulgar words is a clear sign of sexual frustration.” He knows Chris knows they’re teasing each other, but something in Chris’s expression makes Sebastian stop immediately. “You okay?”

“Yeah. Fine.” He shakes his head. “Not important.”

Sebastian gives Chris a look and reaches over to stop the computer. “Talk.”

“There’s nothing to talk about.”

“I call bullshit.”

“Seb…”

“Chris. C’mon. Talk to me.”

“It’s not… It’s dumb.”

“Well, I excel at dumb, so try me.”

“I’ve… I met someone.”

“Yeah?” Sebastian keeps his voice sounding upbeat, running through the people in the production that might have caught Chris’s eye. “She hot? Nice? Actress? Crew? C’mon.”

“Not interested.”

“Bullshit. You’re Chris fucking Evans. You’ve been certified as the nicest, hottest guy in Hollywood. I mean, no, you’ve never been People’s Sexiest Man Alive, but you’re smart and earnest and women love that. They’re contractually obligated to be in love with you.”

He gets probably the dirtiest look he’s ever seen Chris give, his blue eyes flashing. At least Chris’s annoyance makes it easy to focus on the fact that Sebastian _really_ needs to stop jerking off while thinking about Chris.

“It’s true.”

“It’s not a girl.”

Sebastian starts to say something, then stops as Chris’s words hit him. He’s not sure he’s breathing until his body forces an exhale. Chris isn’t looking at him, and even the tips of his ears are red. The silence stretches too long and Chris shuts the lid of his laptop. He leaves -- flees -- the room. Sebastian manages a slow shaky breath and gets to his feet.

He needs something a hell of a lot stronger than coffee.

**

Chris avoids him then, keeping their interaction on the set to the bare minimum. Sebastian can’t quite tell if Chris is embarrassed or horrified that he said something, or if he’s worried Sebastian’s going to do something as shitty as out him. Even thinking that Chris might think that makes Sebastian something between sad and angry.

The night shoots seem to take forever. The hours feel longer and the tension in the air has spiked up enough that Sebastian thinks they can all feel it. He’s pretty sure the entire production is relieved when the weekend comes, and Sebastian just wants to get the fuck away.

He’s walking out of the hotel to catch a cab when Chris comes from the opposite direction. He’s drenched in sweat, his shirt clinging and see-through. His hair is dark and furrowed where he has obviously run his fingers through it.

“Jesus, Chris. How far did you run?”

“I don’t know. A few miles.” He looks at Sebastian’s bag on the ground. “Off for the weekend?”

“Yeah. Just need to get away.”

“Working you too hard, am I?”

Chris doesn’t meet his eyes, so Sebastian doesn’t bother to smile. “Something like that. See you Sunday or Monday. Try and have some fun, huh? All work and no play, you know?”

“Yeah. You too.”

Sebastian waves and Chris heads inside. Sebastian isn't sure if he feels uneasy because Chris looks exhausted or if it’s something else. He shakes his head and climbs into the cab, giving the driver the hotel address he’s staying in for the weekend. Maybe a few towns over he won’t think about the fact that Chris has a thing for a guy. It hasn’t worked so far. It’s made things worse. 

So much worse.

He meets a girl in the bar and they spend the evening together. He has every intention of inviting her back to his room when he realizes it’s not going to happen. He wants Chris, and the fact that it’s apparently a possibility means he leaves her at the door with a kiss on her cheek. She wraps her arms around him. 

“You don’t have to leave yet.”

“I do though. Early call tomorrow, and I’ve got to leave before dawn to get to the set. I’m sorry.”

She nods, and Sebastian can tell she’s annoyed. He feels bad, but once he’s back in his room after a quick stop to the hotel’s little shop of travel-sized necessities, he has a small, incredibly overpriced bottle of lube.

The minute the door’s locked behind him, Sebastian strips. He’s half hard by the time he’s on the bed and he has to take a breath to make himself slow down. He lies back, running his fingers up and down his chest. He wants to just focus on the sensations, but his brain insists on imagining Chris’s hands, Chris’s fingers.

He stifles a groan and gives up pretending he can take this slow. He gets to his knees and opens the lube, squeezing it onto his fingers. He reaches back and rubs at his hole. It’s easy to recall the sound of Chris’s voice, the soft moan he’d made over his coffee, and he can practically hear it as he works himself open.

He waits until he’s got three fingers inside and deep to wrap his other hand around his cock. He bites back a rough whimper and traps a thick moan in his throat. It doesn’t take long before he’s coming all over his hand and chest, choking out Chris’s name. He eases his fingers free and collapses back down on the bed and tries to catch his breath.

He is so, so fucked.

**

Monday starts another week of night shoots, and then, if everything keeps on schedule, they just have one more week of principal shooting. The weekend didn’t change anything as far as Chris’s somewhat cool interactions with Sebastian, though he seems even less open with the rest of the crew. People keep giving Sebastian looks, and he’s not sure if they’re inquisitive or accusatory.

He finally gives in after Tuesday night’s shoot. He changes out of costume and goes to the hotel, leaning back against Chris’s door and sliding down to the floor. He’s tired, he’s grumpy, and he’s horny as hell, and he just wants Chris to stop avoiding him.

Chris gets out of the elevator an hour later, sees Sebastian, and sighs. “Shouldn’t you be in bed?”

“We need to talk.”

“I’m tired. Tomorrow, okay?”

“Actually, no.” He stands up and stays in front of the door. “Not okay. We need to talk.”

Chris blows out a breath and hands Sebastian his key. The room doesn’t look much different than it had last time he was here. Chris stands between the two beds, arms crossed over his chest. “Okay, so talk.”

“I haven’t yet and have absolutely zero intention of ever telling anyone what you told me.”

Confusion flickers across Chris’s features. “I know.” It sounds almost like a question. “Why do you think I actually told you?”

“So why are things so strange between us on the set?”

Now Chris is outright staring at him in open disbelief. That doesn’t change for a few seconds then he starts cracking up. “Oh. Oh God.” He’s laughing. His full-on, loud, ridiculous, hand on his chest and head thrown back laughter. Something about it doesn’t sound funny so much as a it sounds like relief, if Chris’s expression is as it seems. And it is. It always is.

“You want to clue me in here?”

“No.” Chris stops laughing for the most part as he wipes tears from his eyes. “No. No. It’s all okay now.”

“No. Because I don’t get it.”

“I know. That’s okay. I promise. It’s okay.”

“No, it’s not o-fucking-kay. My friend is obviously upset and hurting and acting the complete opposite of himself. He laughs his ass of when I assure him it’s all right, and then he’s fine? Pretty sure that all adds up to _not okay_.”

“I’m just glad you’re not, you know, uncomfortable.”

“Uncomfortable?” Sebastian’s voice drips incredulity. “I’ve played more gay roles than pretty much any man in Hollywood. I’ve made out with guys on-screen. I’ve been naked except for a dick sock in bed with other men. And that’s just acting. That’s got nothing on reality, asshole.”

It seems like Chris stops breathing, but his voice is soft and breathy when he finally manages to speak. “You’re not gay.”

“No. I’m bisexual, you complete idiot. And I’m your friend. I don’t care who you fuck or want to fuck.”

“Even…” Chris looks away and turns the reddest Sebastian’s ever seen him. “Even if it’s you?”

**

“Me?” Sebastian takes a step back and Chris closes his eyes, actually looking like he’s in pain. Sebastian’s not sure if he should step back again or move forward, which of those will make Chris not look so damn scared. “Me. That… That wasn’t hypothetical, was it?”

Chris drops his head and laces his fingers together behind it, staring at the floor. “You should go. Because we have to work together for the next week. So… So I need you to go, okay?” Sebastian wants to say something, wants to break out of whatever shocked paralysis this is that keeps him from moving or speaking. “Please.”

Chris’s broken plea finally breaks through and Sebastian manages a nod. “This doesn’t change anything between us.”

Chris laughs and the sound is raw enough that Sebastian flinches. “That’s the problem, isn’t it?” He shakes his head and looks up. Sebastian’s seen that mask before. The one that Chris wears when everything is too close to the surface and he’s on the edge of losing control.

“Chris…”

“Please.”

Sebastian nods and takes a step back and then another until his back’s against the door. As soon as Chris hears the door open, he bolts out of the room toward the bathroom. Sebastian bangs his head on the sharp edge of the door and slips out of the room.

He’s on the phone with Mackie before he even gets his own door unlocked. Mackie answers with a few choice expletives. “Do you _know_ what time it is, asshole?”

“I’m having a crisis.”

“Okay, good for you. Welcome to Hollywood.”

“I… Met someone.”

“Anyone you meet on a film set is a bad fucking idea. Literally and figuratively.”

“Mackie.” Sebastian sighs and flops down on his bed. “It’s someone I’ve known for a while, but it’s a… Suddenly it’s a possibility maybe and I’m freaking out.”

“So ask her out. Him. Whatever.”

“I _can’t_.”

“You just said it was a possibility.”

“It is.” Sebastian thumps his head on the mattress. “And I _want_ it, but I can’t because this is way the fuck out of my league.”

“Okay. Look. This person like you? Wanna fuck you? Whatever?”

“Yeah. I think. Yes.”

“Then they ain’t out of your league. Man up. Man the fuck up.”

“You’re the worst best friend ever.”

“Like your lonely immigrant ass has ever had any other friends to compare me to.”

Sebastian laughs, opening his eyes to stare at the ceiling. “You’re such a dick.”

“Part of why you love me so much.” Sebastian can hear him yawn. “So I get to find out your mystery date?”

Sebastian feels his heart start racing. “Don’t let Chris hear you say that.”

“But it’s so damn fun to embarrass him.”

“Nah. Too easy. Fish in a barrel, man.”

“How’s that going by the way? Is he bossing you around?”

“He’s the director. That’s literally his job.”

“Yeah, but is he enjoying it like a creep?”

“Why am I friends with you, seriously?”

“Because I answer the phone at ass o’clock in the morning. Go the fuck to sleep, Stan.”

“Yeah. Right.”

**

He and Chris only see each other on the set, and the only thing they say to each other is related directly to Sebastian’s performance. Sebastian’s suddenly hyperconscious of the fact that Chris doesn’t seem to be in the halls anymore, at the craft table, around the crew. It’s a physical ache in his chest to match the solid rock sitting in his gut. 

Filming ends, and there’s a party like always. Sebastian stays on the opposite side of the room from Chris. Not that he’s worried. Chris isn’t looking at him. Chris is, in fact, looking solely at the gorgeous woman with him.

Sebastian’s had too much to drink and he’s about to leave for the night when Chris calls him and his leading lady up to the stage. It’s a jolt to hear Chris saying his name with a smile in his voice. Sebastian follows Addison onto the dais Chris is standing on. Chris throws an arm around each of them and Sebastian has to swallow a groan at the contact. Chris isn’t noticeably drunk, but Sebastian knows him well enough to know he’s had more than he usually does. 

He makes a speech that Sebastian doesn’t really listen to. He vaguely smiles when everyone else laughs, but he’s completely focused on the heat of Chris’s arm around him, his touch, the slow sweep of Chris’s thumb just above the collar of Sebastian’s shirt. Suddenly Chris lets Sebastian go and turns to hug his costar before he turns around to Sebastian. 

Sebastian meets his eyes. “We okay?”

“Absolutely.” Chris grabs his hand, preventing a hug and giving him a strong, solid handshake instead. “Great job, Sebs. You’re gonna make me look good.”

“Think it’s the other way around.” He tugs lightly to pull Chris closer. “I need to know we’re okay.”

Chris meets Sebastian’s eyes, and it feels like being slapped in the face, seeing the flatness in Chris’s blue eyes. “We’re great. Promise.”

Sebastian nods, not really seeing anything as he walks away. He snags a bottle of whiskey from the bar and heads up to his room. He’s not nearly drunk enough.

**

He stays busy. He works straight through until it’s time to go to Atlanta to film the next Marvel movie. Chris is, for now at least, done with the franchise, so Sebastian’s not worried about seeing him. He’s worried about having to see Mackie in person and explain the early morning phone call conversation he’s been dodging, and having to act like nothing’s wrong to their mutual friends. 

Atlanta is hot. And muggy. And the metal arm is heavy. At least the Captain America suit is less weight than the Winter Soldier’s. The size is insane, especially compared to Chris’s movie. The rest of the movies he’s been doing combined don’t reach this volume.

He’s walking toward his trailer when someone runs up, grabs his shoulders and jumps on his back. “Sebs! You’re here!”

He wraps his arms under her thighs to hold her up. “Hey, Elizabeth.”

“About time you got here. Some of us have been working for _days_.”

“I flew up from Miami. Where I was working.”

“Oh, right. The new Bond villain.”

“Pretty sure Bond would mean beautiful women everywhere , not wool uniforms and smelly feet in my face all day.”

“Hey, no one told you to make a civil war movie. I mean, _another_ one.”

“Yeah yeah. Who else is here?”

“Almost everybody. Now that you’re here. We’re just waiting for Chadwick. He’s flying in early tonight.”

“Dinner?”

“Yep, already reserved the room in the hotel. Same as usual.”

“Okay, well, let me get settled.” He lets go of her legs so she can slide to the ground. “I’ll meet you later?”

“Sounds good.”

He turns around and hugs her. When they pull apart, she rests her hands on his shoulders. “You look tired. You’re working too hard.”

“No such thing in this business.” He kisses her forehead and goes into his trailer, dropping down on the couch. He’s not sure why he’s so nervous. Chris isn’t the type to tell any of their friends that things are strained between them. He’s not in the movie. He’s got no reason to be here. His presence is here though. His and Robert’s both.

Once filming starts he stops feeling stressed. Chris’s shoes are hard to fill, but Sebastian’s pretty sure he can do the part justice as well as put his own stamp on it. It’s also nice that it’s a big enough part that he’s busy most of the time.

And God, does he love fight scenes.

He’s fresh off of one when he goes to his trailer and checks his phone. He’s got two messages from his agent telling him to call her. 

“Seb?”

“Hey, what’s going on?”

“Two things.”

“Are you going to ask me if I want the good news or the bad news first?”

“I don’t think either of them are necessarily bad news. We got the tentative release date for Chris’s film, so we’ll be able to get the premiere schedule set up.”

“It rates a premiere?”

“It’s got good buzz right now. There have been some rough cuts that have been screened. That’s the other news. They need you back in for some narration.”

“Yeah. Just set it up in my schedule. Was that it?” Neither are bad news if you don’t know he and Chris haven’t spoken since the wrap party.

“Nope. Just sent you a file. Take a look at it.”

Sebastian opens the file and groans. Someone had managed to get a shot of him and Elizabeth hugging and him kissing her forehead. It’s nothing at all, but with the right twist it could be something. “There’s nothing going on with me and Elizabeth. We hadn’t seen each other in three years.”

“I just wanted you to know it was out there.” She clears her throat. “So, when can I tell Chris to go out there?”

It takes Sebastian’s brain a second to catch up. “What? I… What?”

“The narration. He knows you’re filming and likely to be busy for a while, but he needs this soonest, so he agreed to go out there and work with you.”

“I can’t just…”

“Find out when you’ve got a couple of days off in a row from shooting and let me know. I’ll let his agent know.”

“Can’t he just send it to me? I’ll go to the studio. Just find out what he’s looking for.”

She’s quiet for a moment then sighs. “Sebastian, what’s going on with you two?”

“Nothing.”

“You’re avoiding him for some reason I can’t fathom. Was there a problem on the set? Something I need to know about and deal with?”

“No. It’s nothing.”

“All right. I’ll take you at your word. Find out dates you’re not on set and let me know.”

“Okay. Okay. Still, have him or his agent send me the stuff now.”

“I will.”

He hangs up and leans back. He’s done his best not to think about Chris. It’s easier farther apart, even easier knowing Chris probably hates him, but putting it off is just going to make it worse, especially if they’re going to have to run the premiere gamut. Groaning, he forces himself to his feet and goes to find the shooting schedule.

**

Chris is already at the studio when Sebastian shows up. He’s in the control booth with two techs, and they all look up when Sebastian knocks on the door frame.

“Sebs. Good to see you.” Chris comes over and gives Sebastian a hug that’s really more of a back slap. Sebastian has to fight the urge to bury himself in Chris’s arms, to press his face in the hollow of Chris’s neck.

“You too.”

“Did you get the material?”

“Yeah. What kind of tone are you looking for?”

“Like the movie, especially in the night scenes. Wry and knowing, you know? We’ll get through what we can today. If all goes well and we hit it, you might be able to get tomorrow off.”

“Trying to get rid of me already?”

“Nah. How far we get will determine how drunk I can let Mackie get me tonight.”

“Oh, I see. This is all a ploy to get to Mackie. Jealous of our bromance?”

Chris’s mouth twists in something that’s not quite a smile. “Absolutely.”

Sebastian wants to smack himself. Instead he takes a step closer. “Can we talk? Please?”

“Are you coming to the party tonight?” As soon as everyone had heard Chris was going to be in town, they’d immediately demanded a party to welcome him “home” to Hotlanta.

“That’s not what I meant.”

“We should get started.”

“Chris.” He snaps out his name, but his voice stays low.

“There’s nothing to talk about. Why don’t you just go into the booth?”

“Damn it, Chris.”

“Look.” Chris’s face sets and he’s obviously not going to budge. Even worse is the flatness that’s back in his eyes. “Let’s just get this done, all right? Then we’re good.”

“We’re not good,” Sebastian insists under his breath. “We’re not friends anymore. You can barely stand to fucking look at me.”

Chris blinks and meets his eyes, and he’s wearing a grin that’s twisted with something ugly. “All I want to do is look at you.” He swallows and turns around. “Get in the booth.”

Sebastian’s gut clenches and he does as he’s told. It’s a few takes before he falls back into the role, and after that it all goes smoothly. He can tell when Chris relaxes too, and that makes it even easier, like normal. 

They finish for the day and there are only a few pages left. Chris is talking to the techs when Sebastian comes in. Chris looks up and smiles, but it’s tight around the edges, and Sebastian can’t help but sigh. “Mackie text you yet?”

“Meeting in a couple hours at the regular place.”

“Nice.”

“He said everyone would be there.”

“Hell, yeah. You’re here. RDJ’s flying in to film another movie. It’s alumni week at Avengers Camp.” Chris laughs and, fuck, Sebastian’s missed the sound.

“I’d better show up then.”

“Where are you staying?” Sebastian is beginning to wonder if he knows how to shut up. Chris shrugs. 

 

“With a friend. I’ll see you tonight.” He grabs his bag and heads out, leaving before Sebastian can say anything more, driving away before Sebastian even makes it outside.

**

The entire cast and crew have taken over one of the local hotel’s ballrooms, although not everyone is there yet as far as Sebastian can see when he walks in. Mackie sees him and waves him over and, when a quick glance doesn’t turn up Chris, Sebastian heads over. Downey’s there, holding court, and everyone is cracking up. Sebastian gives Susan a hug and, after Robert mocks him, gets an official Robert hug that threatens to crack a rib or two.

He joins the conversation, trying to focus on the group instead of searching the crowd. He feels a shiver run up his neck just as Robert waves over his head. “Cap!”

“Hey!” Sebastian shoves him lightly. “That’s me now.”

“Nay. You’re New Cap.”

“Cap Lite,” Mackie throws in with a wide grin.

“I see where your loyalties lie. A guy’s an assassin for seventy years and suddenly he’s not good enough to be the real Captain America. Next thing I know you’re gonna be fanboying Holland.”

“Hey.” Chris comes up and puts a hand on Mackie’s shoulder. “How’s the lowly working class?”

They all fall into the familiar combination of banter and catching up. Sebastian listens with half an ear, doing his best not to look at Chris, not to move closer. 

“How are things with Harriet?”

Sebastian snaps back into the conversation at Emily’s question. Chris blushes and smiles. The rest of the group starts teasing him, and Sebastian turns and heads to the bar. He’s on his second shot when Mackie leans on the bar beside him. “You okay?”

Sebastian gives him a jerky nod. “Fine.”

“Something go down today with you and Chris at the studio?”

“No. Why?”

“Y’all are acting weird.” He shrugs. “Weirder than white boys normally do.”

“Shut up. We are not.”

“Dude normally has his hands all over you -- hugging, touching, standing close. That’s how you guys are. Tonight you’re both acting like there’s been some sort of cooties outbreak.”

“Cooties?”

He shrugs. “Sorry. Kid’s at that age.”

“We’re fine.”

“I call bull and shit.” He shakes his head. “Everybody’s noticed, man. You two are normally the president of each other’s fucking fan clubs. So what’s up?”

Sebastian lets out a slow exhale. “We had a… A misunderstanding on the set. Things have been… Less. Since then. It’s fine though.”

“You guys ain’t fine.” He signals to the bartender and orders several beers. He hands one to Sebastian. “Get back over there.” His smile is sharp. “Since everything’s so damn fine.”

Sebastian goes back with him, standing with Tom and Elizabeth. They’re discussing Tom’s latest movie that Sebastian knows nothing about, so he just listens, giving himself the distance from Chris and the opportunity to watch him under the pretense of watching the whole group.

The problem is that Scarlett’s watching him. He smiles at her, raising his bottle in a toast. She smirks and lifts her glass in return. He knows she’s going to manage to run into him at some point, somewhere alone and with no escape. He knows she and Chris are close, and wonders if Chris has confided in her.

Tom ends his story on a laugh and, when it dies down, Sebastian glances at Elizabeth. “Do you know who Harriet is?”

“Chris’s Harriet?”

Sebastian nods. “Yeah. I guess.”

“I haven’t really heard. Just that Chris is over the moon about her.”

“Oh. That’s great.” Sebastian drains his beer and looks over at Chris. Chris is looking at Sebastian, his eyes lidded and dark. Sebastian's whole body heats up, and his hand tightens on the bottle. “Excuse me.”

He walks over toward Chris but Scarlett intercepts him, her hands on his chest. “Sebs.”

“Scarlett. Talk later.”

“It’s important.” She doesn’t move her hands, instead using them to push him back away from the group. He exhales and follows her lead, looking away from Chris. 

“What’s up?”

She laces her arm through his and heads toward the bar. His shoulders are tight with tension, and he knows she can feel it if the look she gives him is any indication. “You okay?”

“Sure. Fine. Just trying to enjoy the party, but I keep getting hijacked.” He raises his eyebrows. “Now, if you and Mackie were just pulling me into corners to make out with me, that’d be one thing, but…”

“As appealing as that doesn't sound, I have a question for you.” She grabs his arm and tugs him farther toward the corner of the room. Sebastian looks back and Chris has his back to him. 

“What is this about, Scar?”

“Chris.”

“Um.” Sebastian swallows and takes an instinctive step back. “What about him?”

“Do you know what’s going on? You worked on the movie with him, right? Did anything… I don’t know. Happen?”

“It was a tight, clean shoot. Why?”

“His mom called me. He’s been… anxious like he used to be. Made a few extra appointments with his therapist. She’s worried. I know he had it pretty well under control when you started working with us, but I know you’ve seen and been in some of the interviews where he’s talked about it.”

“Yeah. I mean. But no. I mean, maybe it’s something with his girlfriend? Harriet?”

Scarlett stares at him for a minute before she laughs in his face. “Oh my god. Harriet? Really?”

“What?”

“Have you not talked to him lately?”

“Not since the movie. We’ve both been pretty busy so…”

She lifts an eyebrow sharply and Sebastian knows that, somehow, she’s about to eviscerate him. “So there wasn’t a, what did Mackie call it? A misunderstanding?”

“Jesus Christ. Chris and I are fine. What is wrong with you guys?”

“Harriet is in his next film. She’s a German shepherd that Chris is absolutely in love with. She’s his next Dodger.”

“Oh.”

Scarlett sighs. “Fix it, alright? He misses you.”

“How come you’re sure this is my fault?”

“I don’t. But I know he’s insecure enough that he won’t, because he thinks you won’t want to fix things.”

“How is he like this? Honestly? He’s nice, caring, sweet, loyal, and gorgeous. How is he so damn insecure?”

“Because he is all those things. Even if he doesn’t see them, he is, and people take advantage of that. Besides, being all of those things doesn’t matter to your brain.”

“I know. I know. I just wish he could see what we all see.” Sebastian sighs and looks over at him. “What makes you so sure he’ll listen to me?”

“Because.” She slips a key card into his shirt pocket. “You’re going to go upstairs and wait for him in his room.”

“I’m what? No. Scarlett.”

“Go. Fix it.”

“I hate you. All of you. Every fucking one of you.”

She smiles sharply. “I don’t like to see my friends hurting, especially for stupid reasons. Especially for stupid, easily resolved reasons. And, for the record, you’re _both_ my friends.”

“I need a drink.”

“Take a bottle. Or two.”

Sebastian follows her advice, grabbing a bottle of whiskey and a six pack of beer from the bar. He looks at the key card. There’s a post-it note with the room number and, even though he’s not sure any of this is a good idea, he takes the elevator up and lets himself into Chris’s room.

It smells subtly of Chris’s soap and shampoo. Chris’s bag is on the fold out luggage holder inside the open closet. Sebastian sets the alcohol on the armoire next to the TV and sits at the table.

He realizes he has no idea when Chris is coming back to his room or even if he’s coming back alone. And he has absolutely no idea what to say. 

“Fuck.” He gets up and heads to the door, stopping in his tracks as the lock beeps and the door swings open. 

Chris freezes when he sees him. “Wh-why… You’re in my room.”

“Yeah. I… Uh… Scarlett?”

Chris sighs. “Right.”

“I have booze. How did she get a copy of your key?”

Chris laughs. “She’s Scarlett?”

“Point.” Sebastian takes a step back into the room. “Did you want to come in?”

Chris’s eyebrow lifts. “To my own hotel room?”

“Yes?” Sebastian smiles and back up farther. “They gave me shit for not knowing who Harriet was. Apparently me thinking you’re dating Harriet is a clear sign our friendship is on the rocks.”

“Well, she is beautiful. But we’re not dating. Adopting.”

“Is this some weird Woody Allen situation?”

“She’s a dog, you deviant.” Chris pulls out his phone and flips through his photos before showing Sebastian a picture.

“You’re the biggest fucking softy.” Sebastian takes the phone and goes through the pictures, stopping on one of her and Chris. “You make a beautiful couple.”

“Asshole.” Chris grabs for the phone, wrapping his hand around Sebastian’s. Sebastian raises his hand and Chris stumbles in against him. Reaching around, Sebastian steadies him with a hand in the small of his back. Chris’s breath catches and he swallows hard. His voice is rough. “Sorry.”

Sebastian shakes his head. “Don’t be.” 

Chris swallows again, his gaze dropping from Sebastian’s eyes to his mouth. “I…”

“Sh.” Sebastian presses forward, closer, until his chest is against Chris’s. He leans in the short distance, brushing his nose against Chris’s, his breath ghosting over his lips.Chris shivers and Sebastian has to bite his own lower lip to hold back a groan. “You never gave me a chance,” he whispers before kissing Chris lightly, just a press of their lips.

“I…”

Sebastian shakes his head and kisses him softly again, not rushing. Chris meets each one, lips slightly parted. “Want you. Wanted you for so goddamned long.” He pulls away from Chris’s mouth to nuzzle his jaw. He revels in the soft scrape of Chris’s beard, tugging the hair lightly with his teeth before moving down to Chris’s throat to leave the same trail of kisses there.

Chris shivers again and his head falls back and to the side, exposing his neck to Sebastian’s mouth. Sebastian groans against damp skin, and he can feel the noise Chris makes as vibration against his lips. Another sound hitches in Chris’s throat and Sebastian moves back to his mouth. 

He brushes Chris’s lower lip with his tongue and Chris’s hand curls in his shirt as he kisses Sebastian back, touching the tips of their tongues together. Chris moves closer and Sebastian eases his leg between both of Chris’s, pressing the hard bulge of his erection against Chris’s thigh.

Chris gasps softly. “Fuck.”

Sebastian pulls Chris’s lower lip back into his mouth, sucking on it. The muscles of Chris’s thigh tighten as he thrusts his hips so Sebastian grinds against the firm flesh. Releasing Chris’s lip, Sebastian finally kisses him in earnest, mouths open, tongues against each others, getting lost in the new taste of their mouths. He’s not sure how long they kiss, but when Chris pulls back and starts unbuttoning his shirt, his lips are red, wet, and swollen. His eyes are dilated so the ring of blue barely shows around the black.

Sebastian grabs the bottom of Chris’s shirt and pulls it free of his jeans before his hands slip between the unbuttoned material and slide over Chris’s chest and shoulders. “You…” He licks his lips and swallows roughly. “Have you done this before? With a guy?”

Chris wraps his hand around the back of Sebastian’s neck and pulls him in again, no hesitation as he claims Sebastian's mouth, fucks his tongue between his lips, hot and dirty. Sebastian groans and thrusts against Chris. His hands slip along Chris’s shirt to his pants, fingers undoing his belt, working the button and zipper without breaking contact.

Chris grabs Sebastian’s shirt and tugs at it until Sebastian pulls back. He darts back in before Chris can do anything, kissing him hard. When he pulls away again, he doesn’t waste any time, stripping off his t-shirt, tearing a hole below the collar in his haste.

“Shit,” he laughs, the sound hot against Chris’s mouth. Chris undoes Sebastian’s jeans and shoves them down his thighs along with his boxers. He wraps his hand around Sebastian’s dick and Sebastian’s knees give slightly. “Oh, fuck, Chris.”

With a sly smile, Chris sinks down to his knees. Sebastian reaches out for balance and ends up digging his fingers into Chris’s broad shoulders. Chris strokes his hand down the shaft toward the base, staring at the slide of his foreskin.

“Never had this.” Chris’s voice is low and gravelly. He strokes upward, the foreskin covering the head of Sebastian’s cock. His breath stutters and he chokes on it as Chris licks along the sensitive skin above his fist. “Tell me how to make it good.”

“You’re doing great. Honest.”

Chris laughs, warm breath fanning over Sebastian’s skin. He slides his hand down, the foreskin pulling back to reveal the slick head of Sebastian’s cock. Leaning even closer, he tongues at the slit as he brings his hand up, letting the foreskin close around his tongue.

“Holy fuck,” Sebastian gasps. “Jesus Christ.” He fists a hand in Chris’s hair then relaxes it, threading his fingers through the short strands. Chris runs his tongue around the head and Sebastian’s pretty sure he’s dying. Chris looks up at him through his lashes and Sebastian knows he is, closing his eyes to keep from losing control.

“Okay?” Chris asks softly, nervously.

Sebastian runs his fingers through Chris’s hair again. “You’ve got no idea how long I’ve fantasized about this.” He slides the thumb of his other hand over Chris’s damp lower lip. His voice is hoarse. “It’s beyond okay.”

Chris licks his lips, still staring at Sebastian with dark eyes. “Tell me what to do.”

“It’s the same.”

Chris laughs, the sound breaking. “Told you. I’ve never had this. Never had…”

“Oh Jesus.” He’d asked, but when Chris hadn’t answered, he’d assumed he wasn’t Chris’s first. “You…” He groans and licks his lips, swallowing hard. He’s not sure how much longer his knees are going to support him. “You’re sure?”

“Tell me. Please?”

“No teeth.” He tries for a laugh, but it’s more a gust of breath. “It moves. Just… slow. At first. Until you’re used to it. Not too deep. Don’t want you to choke. It’s gonna be good. Fuck. Just you down there is amazing.”

Chris rolls his eyes but nods and leans in. He pulls the skin back carefully and kisses the head. When he pulls back, his lips are shiny with pre-come. He licks them, then sucks his lower lip in his mouth.

“Fuck. I’m gonna come just looking at you like this.”

“Don’t do that,” Chris whispers and then he takes Sebastian into his mouth.

He’s slow, careful. His hand wraps around the base, moving in time with his mouth, opposite strokes that send shivers along Sebastian’s spine. “Holy Christ,” Sebastian groans. Chris hums and pulls back, almost off before working his tongue under the foreskin, the tip sliding along the inside, distending the skin slightly. “Chris. God. Fuck. Already so close.”

Chris pulls off and looks up at Sebastian again. His gaze is hot. He doesn’t pull back, just slides his hand forward, stroking Sebastian, keeping the length of his cock trapped beneath the skin, his fist rubbing over and over against the ridge. Chris’s eyes are wide and he drops them down to his hand on Sebastian’s dick. “Want to watch you. Want to see you come.”

Sebastian groans and does, his knees practically giving out. Most of his come is caught in the foreskin or on Chris’s hand, though a few stripes land on Chris’s teeth. Before Sebastian can do anything, Chris pumps his cock a few more times, Sebastian’s come spilling out of the foreskin and coating Chris’s hand.

Sebastian sinks to his knees and licks Chris’s cheek. Chris makes a low noise, and then Sebastian’s kissing him, fucking his tongue into Chris’s mouth as he guides him down to the floor. He tugs Chris’s pants down. “This is okay?”

Chris nods, mouth open.

Sebastian wraps his hand around Chris’s cock, tugging it free of his boxer briefs. Chris moans and Sebastian kisses him again, hungry and desperate as he strokes Chris tightly.

“Please,” Chris begs, hips rising off the floor. “Sebs. God. G-god.” 

He comes in a series of full body shudders, spilling thick and hot into Sebastian’s hand. The shudders don’t stop and Sebastian presses soft kisses along Chris’s jawline until Chris manages a deep shaky breath that seems to get him back to normal. 

Chris’s hand shakes as he presses it against Sebastian’s back. He slides it slowly up and down Sebastian’s spine. “We okay?”

“How do you mean?” Sebastian asks quietly, nuzzling the hollow behind Chris’s ear. He hums and Chris makes a small sound. “Like existentially? Sexually? Friend-wise?” Chris makes another noise as Sebastian nips his earlobe, a low whimper this time. “Because I feel okay all over. Better than okay.”

He moves over Chris, bracing himself above him. He should probably feel bad about the come he’s getting in the hotel carpet, but he doesn’t. Because it means Chris is under him. That he and Chris… Sebastian’s eyes flutter closed as his sensitive dick slides against Chris’s.

“Sorry.” He lowers himself to his elbows, holding the sides of Chris’s head so he can’t look away. “Are _you_ okay?”

Chris closes his eyes and fear rises like bile in Sebastian’s throat. When they open, they’re the clear, honest blue that’s so familiar. “Yeah.” He smiles up at Sebastian then reaches up to brush his hair away from his forehead.

Sebastian grins. “So… Would you say you… wiked it?”

“Oh, you _asshole_.” Chris laughs. “Fuck you.”

Sebastian leans in and kisses Chris slowly, tasting him, licking every surface and feeling Chris shiver beneath him. “Don’t do that sort of thing on the first date. What sort of girl do you take me for?”

“Definitely not mistaking you for a girl any time soon.” His hips rock up and Sebastian groans, burying the sound in another kiss.

“God, Chris.” Sebastian kisses him again, unable to stop. Even though he knows he’s not going to be hard again anytime soon, he can’t help rolling his hips in response, feeling Chris fall into his rhythm. Chris initiates the next kiss, arching up against Sebastian as he does.

Moaning softly, Sebastian forces himself to pull away. He gets to his knees, straddling Chris’s thighs, looking down at him. Chris’s body is flushed, the glow of sweat still in the hollow of his throat where his shirt is unbuttoned. “I didn’t even finish getting you naked.”

“Maybe…” Chris blushes deeper and doesn’t quite meet Sebastian’s eyes. “Maybe next time?”

Sebastian shakes his head and finishes unbuttoning Chris’s shirt. “No time like the present.” He watches Chris as he undresses him, sees the mixture of fear and want and uncertainty in his eyes. 

Sebastian spreads the fabric to the side and watches Chris breathe, watches his chest rise and fall more quickly under Sebastian's stare.

“Let’s get you into bed. Can’t believe I let your first time be on the floor. I’m a disgrace to deflowerers everywhere.” Chris laughs, and that’s all Sebastian needs to know they really are okay.

 

**

The next morning Sebastian wakes Chris up by sucking his cock into his mouth. Chris jerks awake, but Sebastian holds his hips against the bed to keep him from thrusting. He looks up at Chris, not looking away as he sucks Chris’s cock deeper. Chris licks his lips and Sebastian’s body tenses, tight with want. He glides his hands down Chris’s thighs, digging his fingers into the muscle when Chris tries to move again. He resettles his hands on Chris’s hips and hums as Chris arches his back.

He moans roughly and Sebastian opens his mouth only to take Chris deeper. He grabs at Sebastian’s hair then lets go. Sebastian reaches out to catch his hand, guiding it back. Chris runs his fingers through his hair carefully and then grabs a fistful of it.

Sebastian keeps swallowing him down, holding Chris tight between his tongue and the roof of his mouth. Chris whimpers, trying to thrust, pushing desperately against Sebastian’s tight grip.

“Seb. S-seb, fuck.” He tugs Sebastian’s hair again, and Sebastian ignores him, swallowing and sucking around him until Chris gasps and comes deep in Sebastian’s throat. “God. Fuck. So-sorry.”

Sebastian pulls off and licks his lips. “Don’t be. You didn’t do anything I didn’t want you to.” Chris’s breath shudders and he closes his eyes. Sebastian nuzzles the skin at the base of Chris’s cock. “You okay?”

“Yeah.” He exhales slowly and runs his hands through Sebastian’s hair again. “Isn’t quite how I expected this weekend to go.”

Sebastian braces himself on his elbows, looking up at Chris. “What did you expect?”

“You to avoid me as much as humanly possible.”

“You really believe that? I mean, how shitty of a friend would I be if I blew you off for something like that?”

“Doesn’t have anything to do with friendship. It’s about being uncomfortable because you friend told you he wants to…”

“Chris, I’ve wanted you since, well, pretty much since the day we met. That hasn’t changed our friendship.”

“You never _said_ anything about it though.”

“Dude. You’re about ninety percent of my spank bank.”

Chris frowns, but Sebastian can see the twitch of the smile he’s trying to hide. “Only ninety?”

“You’ve met Hemsworth and Scarlett. I mean, come on. I’m only human.”

Chris tilts his head and nods in agreement. Biting his lower lip, he looks down at Sebastian. “C’mere?”

Sebastian crawls up just using his elbows so that their bodies stay in contact. He’s not fully hard, but the slightly rough feel of Chris’s pubic hair makes him shiver and his balls tighten. “Fuck, you feel good.” He nuzzles Chris’s jaw beneath the line of his beard, then works his way up to Chris’s earlobe. He sucks it into his mouth, then lets it go, his words against the wet skin. “Want you so much.”

Chris turns his head and catches Sebastian’s lips with his own. He wraps a hand around the nape of Sebastian’s neck and _owns_ Sebastian’s mouth. He surrenders immediately and Chris tastes every inch, claims him. Heat flood Sebastian’s body and he grinds down against Chris, unable to stop himself.

Chris’s kiss swallows the helpless sounds Sebastian makes. He works a leg under Chris’s to hold them closer. Chris uses the movement to get his hand between them and wraps it around Sebastian’s dick.

“Yes. Fuck. Yes.” Chris’s grip is perfect, not too tight, using the foreskin to stroke him instead of pushing it down to work the shaft. Sebastian closes his eyes and thrusts into Chris’s fist. There’s not much room between them, so the sensation builds almost too quickly. Sebastian starts gasping, his hips jerking erratically. He’s not ready to come, but every nerve is on fire. “Chris. Oh god.”

He buries his face in Chris’s neck and settles on top of him completely, trapping Chris’s hand between them and stilling it. 

“What? Did I do something wrong?” His voice is hoarse, concerned. “You okay?”

“Yeah. Fast. I.” Sebastian licks his lips and clears his throat. “Was a lot. Too much. Need.” He exhales shakily and just breathes, trying to calm down. He kisses Chris’s shoulder then eases off of him, collapsing on the bed beside him. 

Chris’s chest rises and falls roughly and, when Sebastian looks over, his eyes are closed. Turning on his side, Sebastian runs his fingers along Chris’s sternum. Chris turns his head and looks at him. His eyes are so damn blue and the long lashes are like charcoal against his skin. 

Sebastian leans over and kisses him. “Sorry.”

“You didn't do anything.”

“Neither did you.” Sebastian takes Chris’s hand and guides it back down to his erection. “Was just a little too much like that.” He moves Chris’s hand so his fingers graze the sensitive skin. “I want you.”

Chris swallows and nods, taking Sebastian carefully in hand again. Sebastian holds Chris’s gaze as Chris strokes him. He can’t look away, can’t even blink. There’s too much in Chris’s eyes. Maybe more than he realizes, though there’s a part of Sebastian he doesn’t want to listen to that reminds him he might be seeing what he wants to see. 

The realization of what he wants to see, what he _wants_ from Chris hits him and he gasps, tumbling over the edge of his orgasm before he even knows he’s there.

**

Sebastian’s phone buzzes and he groans, burying himself under the covers. He’s warm and comfortable and relaxed and…

“Turn that thing off or I’m kicking you out of bed.”

And with Chris.

“Pretty sure that alarm means I’m supposed to meet you in the studio in an hour.”

Chris grumbles and presses his forehead against the back of Sebastian’s shoulder. “I know the director. Can tell him to reschedule.”

“I start filming tomorrow.”

“But Seeeeeeeeeebs.” Chris draws it out like a whine, looping his arm over Sebastian’s waist, sliding a knee between his legs. “Don’t you want to stay here?”

Sebastian disentangles himself so he can turn and look at Chris. “Yes.”

Chris bites his lower lip and Sebastian watches the pink blanch under his teeth. Reaching out, Sebastian touches Chris’s lip with his thumb and tugs it free. Chris shakes his head slightly, a small smile that isn’t really one touching his lips. “What happens now?”

“What do you mean?”

“Is this…” He shrugs. “Was this a one night stand?”

Sebastian doesn’t hesitate. “No.”

Relief paints Chris’s expression. “So what happens now?”

“Well, you have a movie to cut in L.A., and I’m going to spend the next three to four months sweltering in Atlanta.” Sebastian traces the underside of Chris’s beard. “And I hope like hell we’re going to call and text and FaceTime, and have amazingly hot phone sex and mutual masturbation.”

“O-oh.”

“I mean, you know, if you’re okay with that.”

“Okay. Yes. Very.”

Sebastian presses closer, reveling in the soft blush staining Chris’s face. “Because the next time we get together, I want to know what you like. What you want.” He kisses him, slow and deep, thorough enough that he feels like he can taste Chris after they part. “Because I want to give it to you.”

Chris whimpers and Sebastian can’t help kissing him again, pushing him back onto the bed and settling on top of him, his body cradled between Chris’s legs. It’s languid and exploring until it’s not. Until Chris wraps his leg around Sebastian and cants his hips upward. Until Sebastian fucks his tongue into Chris’s mouth and takes him over, thrusting and burning with wanting Chris, needing him.

“Fuck,” Sebastian pulls away with a desperate gasp. “You’re killing me.”

“That’s a good thing, right?”

“Not if we’re going to get to the studio. And I still need to go and change and hope Mackie’s not awake to give me shit.”

“But we have a little time?”

“Mm. Not really.” He nuzzles Chris's jaw then bites a row of kisses down his throat. When he reaches the tendon at the base of it, he bites again, harder, then sucks on the skin.

Chris moans and thrusts up again, the damp slickness of his pre-come sliding along Sebastian’s cock. “W-want… Want that. Your marks on me.”

Sebastian’s groan is muffled by Chris’s skin and he bites down, sucking harder. The noise Chris makes goes straight to Sebastian's cock and he reaches between them, wrapping his hand around both of them.

“Fuck,” Chris’s voice is rough, as is the tug of his fingers in Sebastian’s hair. Chris’s cock is smooth, sliding against Sebastian’s foreskin, then the head of his cock when he pulls it lower with his downstroke. He hasn’t released Chris’s skin, and it feels like he can taste the pulse beneath his tongue.

Chris’s breath hitches and he comes, spilling on Sebastian’s hand and their stomachs, hot and thick. Sebastian breaks the suction and the sight of the purple bruise darkening on Chris’s skin pushes him over the edge. He can feel Chris shuddering, can feel him everywhere.

Sebastian kisses the bruise and lets go of Chris’s cock, listening to -- reveling in -- the desperate sound Chris makes. Easing away, Sebastian collapses on the bed beside him. Chris turns his head to look at Sebastian, eyes going wide when Sebastian lifts his hand and sucks the taste of them off his fingers, never looking way.

“Jesus Christ,” Chris breathes. He surges forward, kissing Sebastian, licking into his mouth to share the taste of them both with him. 

Sebastian’s alarm goes off again, but Chris doesn’t let him go and Sebastian doesn’t fight it for a moment, but then pulls away. He doesn’t want to, but he’s never missed a call, and he’s not about to start.

Even if -- especially if -- he’s in the director’s bed.

**

It’s two weeks before he actually gets a chance to talk to Chris again. They’ve swapped texts, but they’ve been mostly tame. Chris has sent Sebastian pictures of the slowly fading bruise on his neck. A few pictures are of him pressing on the color with a message telling him that Chris wants it dark again. Wants Sebastian’s mouth on him. Wants more marks.

Finally Sebastian has a day off and the house is empty of all of his roommates. As soon as he’s alone, he texts Chris.

_got some time. You?_

_Audition in a couple hours._

_You still have to audition? But you're a star_

_Seeing if i have chemistry w my costar_

_You do with an ex-costar._

_Are we going to keep texting or are you going to get on your laptop and talk to me?_

_What's wrong with my phone_

_I want your hands free._

_Give me a few._

Chris doesn’t respond, so Sebastian hurries to get his laptop up and set, pulling Chris up on FaceTime. Chris is in bed, bare chested, sleepy-eyed, and with messed-up hair “Hey.”

Sebastian swallows. “Hey yourself.”

“You’re overdressed.”

“Oh, I see. This is just a booty call.” Chris’s expression changes for an instant, almost quick enough to miss, but Sebastian can see the hint of hurt, of uncertainty before it’s replaced with a smile. “Absolutely. Been waiting a month to see that ass.”

Sebastian tugs his shirt off and tosses it aside. “You know it’s not the same here without you. On the set.”

Chris closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, exhaling slowly. Sebastian knows that Chris is glad to be done being Captain America, but he also knows how special it all was for him. “You mean you’re actually getting work done?”

“I mean I miss you.”

Chris stills for a minute in a way he almost never does. When he speaks, his voice is rough. “I miss you too.”

“You in L.A.?”

“Nah. My place at home.”

“Boston, huh?”

“That is, by far, the worst Boston accent ever.”

“We can’t all be the Massachusetts Meatball.”

Chris laughs, full and rich, and fuck, Sebastian’s missed that sound. “You make me sound like the world’s worst wrestler.”

“I don’t know. I’d take you on.”

Chris bites his lower lip. “I’d like that.”

As easy as that, everything changes and Sebastian’s hard. “Yeah?” His voice drops and he meets Chris’s eyes. “You gonna let me pin you?” He’s not sure what to call Chris’s reaction, but it makes Sebastian’s balls tighten. Chris’s eyes are wide and dark, and Sebastian has never wanted to be in Boston more. “Would you like that?”

Chris licks his lips and his hips roll. Sebastian can see the hard jut of Chris’s cock under the sheets. He reaches down and squeezes himself hard to keep under control. His voice is practically a growl. 

“Tell me what you want, Chris.”

“Want everything. You. Fuck. Want you to show me everything. Teach me. Touch me. Want you to touch me right now. Want your hands and your mouth.”

“Fuck.” Sebastian squeezes his cock hard enough to hurt. “Fuck. Touch yourself. Want to watch you. See you.” He keeps squeezing until he knows he’s back in control, because he has no intention of missing this moment, of not seeing every second of Chris falling apart.

Chris pushes the sheet down so his cock is exposed. His legs are parted slightly and Sebastian fucking _wants_.

“Jesus Christ.” Sebastian breathes and it sounds like a prayer.

“Yeah?” Chris whispers, the sound hoarse and a little desperate as he wraps his hand around himself. His eyes are half closed as he looks at the computer. At Sebastian. “Like this?”

Sebastian's tongue darts out, wetting his lips. “It’s a start.”

“What’s next, Seb?” Chris already looks like he’s been fucked. He moves his free hand down, curving it around his balls. “This? Or do you want something else?”

“Want to fucking devour you. Taste every inch. Own you.” Chris shudders and slides his hand up from his balls to warp around the base of his cock as he starts stroking the other along his length. Sebastian watches, his whole body tight with hunger and want. “Fucking beautiful. Can’t wait to have you on my bed, underneath me. Hold your wrists as I suck bruises onto your skin. Bruises like tattoos.”

He can imagine getting his mouth onto all the skin Chris has on display, biting and scraping between his legs, nuzzling the join of his thigh. He doesn’t realize he’s saying it out loud until Chris reacts, hips coming off the bed.

“Please.” Chris is breathing hard, hand moving faster. “Yes.”

Sebastian takes his own dick in hand, holding the shaft and sliding one finger beneath the foreskin, rubbing the sensitive inner flesh. He shudders hard at the feeling, at the sound of Chris’s gasping, the rough begging, the litany of “please”s that fall from Chris’s mouth.

Sebastian can’t actually see Chris’s eyelashes when his eyes flutter shut -- the camera is too far away -- but he can imagine them fanning out on Chris’s cheeks as he arches up and comes, muscles pulled taut.

Sebastian keeps his finger moving, occasionally sweeping it over the head, across the slit. He strokes himself, tight and fast. Chris looks Sebastian in the eye as he swipes a finger through the mess on his own stomach then sucks it into his mouth.

The groan feels like it’s ripped out of him, and Sebastian comes hard, milking himself, pushing his come out of his foreskin with every stroke. When he can breathe again, he pulls the computer closer. “Fuck. Come to Atlanta.”

“I can’t. I want to. Fuck. I want to.”

Sebastian nods, focusing on Chris’s face as he moves his computer closer as well. “I can seen if I can get up to Boston next week.”

“I’ll be filming in Washington.”

“Fuck.”

“Hopefully soon though,” Chris sighs. “I didn’t think about how much this part would suck.”

“Well, with luck the actual sucking during the other part will make up for it.”

Chris laughs, then looks down and to his right. “Damn. I have to go. Talk soon?”

“Yeah. Soon.” Sebastian cuts the connection and grabs his pillow, pulling it over his head. “Fuck.”

**

Their schedules don’t line up again for quite some time due to filming schedules and time zones. It’s been a couple of months of just texts and a few jerk-off sessions, but Sebastian hopes that now that he’s home in New York things will settle down some. 

No matter what though, he’s grateful not to be anywhere hot, and he sleeps in his cool apartment for a couple days before he finally drags himself out of bed. He orders from a small Romanian cafe a couple of blocks away and lets the doorman know. He grabs a bottle of water and settles on the couch, shuffling to the door when it buzzes.

He takes his wallet off the table by the door and grabs some money before opening the door. “Hey, Adam. How much do I…” He stops, staring. “Chris?”

“I paid Adam.” He smiles, eyes bright and teeth white against his beard. “So if you didn’t get enough for two, I’ve earned the right to eat it all.”

“Christ. Get in here.”

Chris’s smile widens and he walks inside, crowding close when Sebastian doesn’t move. “So, you’re hungry?”

Sebastian reaches behind Chris to shut the door. Grabbing the food, he walks forward until he has Chris pinned against it. “Starving.”

He lets the bag drop in favor of grabbing Chris’s wrists and pinning them above his head. He doesn’t stop to kiss Chris. Instead he bends his head to Chris’s throat, nosing against his open collar to remark his neck.

Chris arches into him, bending his head to bite Sebastian’s earlobe. He hums against Chris’s neck and rocks into him. His hands are tight on Chris’s wrists, and even though Chris is pressing against Sebastian, he’s not fighting his grip. Chris wraps his leg around the back of Sebastian’s. “You know, I can’t get you naked unless you let me go.”

“You drive a hard bargain.”

Chris thrusts, cocks sliding -- denim against sweatpants. “Been hard for you since they landed the plane.”

“Just that long?” Sebastian bites and pulls away, tugging at the skin of Chris’s neck before releasing it. “I’ve been hard for you since the last time we talked.”

“Shut up.” Chris laughs, twisting his arms to break Sebastian’s grip. He grabs the hem of Sebastian’s shirt and pulls it off of him. “Better.”

“Turnabout is fair play.” Sebastian unbuttons another button on Chris’s shirt and tugs it over his head, the rest of it still fastened. He tosses it aside and goes immediately back to Chris’s neck. “Missed you. Missed the way you taste.”

Chris grabs Sebastian’s face and forces his head up, kissing him roughly. “Want you. So much.”

Sebastian grabs Chris by the belt, pulling him away from the door. “This way.”

Sebastian's bedroom isn’t actually that far away, but it feels like it takes forever to get there, stumbling backward, unwilling to stop kissing Chris. He follows easily, hands on Sebastian’s belt, working it open. Once the buckle is free, he stops Sebastian by pulling the ends of his belt toward him. Sebastian points over his shoulder, breathing heavily. “Bedroom.”

Chris sinks down to his knees. “Don’t feel like waiting any longer.”

“Oh.” The word gets stuck in Sebastian’s throat as Chris works the fly open. “That. Oh.”

Chris keeps his eyes on Sebastian as he curves his hands under the waistband of the sweats, sliding them down his hips before moving his hands to the front, easing the fabric over Sebastian’s cock. Sebastian exhales shakily, licking his dry lips. Chris smiles and his eyes darken further. 

Sebastian’s sweats fall and Chris rubs his hands up and down Sebastian’s thighs. His lips are parted, the tip of Sebastian’s cock lying on Chris’s lower lip. His breath feels as hot as a furnace on Sebastian’s sensitive skin.

“Chris…” He can’t help the thrust of his hips, and he groans when Chris’s lips part farther in response. Sebastian slides into the wet heat of Chris’s mouth. He keeps his hand around the back of Chris’s head, fingers buried in his hair. He fights the urge to hold Chris still, to fuck into his mouth. Just the thought makes Sebastian’s hips jerk. 

He traces his other hand along Chris’s jaw, his thumb at the corner of Chris’s lip. He can feel his cock sliding in and out as Chris sucks him.

“So fucking gorgeous, Chris. Want you.” His hand tightens in Chris’s hair, and he pulls him back, his own hips sliding back as well. Chris’s lower lip is red and wet as it slides out in a pout.

“What?” He’s breathing heavily already, and he tightens his hands on Sebastian’s hips, trying to pull Sebastian back toward him.

“Want… Fuck. Want you Want to… Need to feel you.”

“Tell me what you want.”

“Touch me. Mark me.”

Sebastian pulls Chris to his feet and turns them and pushes Chris onto the bed. He falls back, laughing quietly, but the sound dies as Sebastian kneels between his spread legs and braces himself over him. “Anywhere you don’t want marked up? Because otherwise I’m going to eat you alive.”

Chris moans thickly. “In town for two weeks with no plans except you.”

“Fuck.” Sebastian shifts back and grabs Chris’s wrists, moving them over his head and pinning him. “You might regret that.”

Chris shakes his head, expression serious. “No. I won’t.”

Sebastian closes the distance between them, taking Chris’s mouth almost violently, needing to taste him. He can feel Chris give himself over, surrender. It goes straight to Sebastian’s head and his dick. He deepens the kiss, and Chris is so pliant beneath him he can’t help rolling his hips, his cock sliding along Chris’s. It’s almost too much, and Sebastian has to break the kiss, panting against Chris’s mouth.

Chris licks his own lips, but they’re close enough that the tip of his tongue brushes Sebastian’s lips as well. He sucks in a breath and kisses Chris hard before moving his mouth to his throat, biting the tendon before sucking on it, tight and hard.

Chris’s head falls back and he whimpers. Sebastian sucks harder, feeling Chris’s pulse against his tongue. Chris arches up and Sebastian huffs a breath through his nose before moving down Chris’s shoulder, teeth digging into his skin. Chris cries out softly and Sebastian hums against his skin.

He works his way down, leaving a trail of bite marks and slowly darkening skin. He tugs Chris’s hands down as he moves lower, still keeping him pinned at the wrists. He knows Chris could break his hold. They’re pretty evenly matched in arm strength, though the recent Marvel shoot means Sebastian’s got a slight advantage. Chris isn’t fighting, but he strains slightly, testing Sebastian’s grip.

Chris’s chest is broad, a mixture of dark blond and brown hairs trailing down his abdomen, darkening as it gets closer to his cock. Sebastian feels the soft scratch of hair from Chris’s legs, the hard jut of Chris’s dick leaving a wet trail of pre-come on Sebastian’s chest.

He bites the firm flesh, scraping it with his teeth along Chris’s pecs. Chris arches up against him with a moan, but when Sebastian closes his teeth around Chris’s nipple he starts writhing beneath him, jerking his hands free and burying them in Sebastian’s hair.

“Fuck. Christ Seb. Oh _god_.” He wraps his leg around Sebastian, heel digging into his thigh. “Fuck. Fuck. Oh, y-yes.”

Sebastian bites hard and sharp and Chris’s hips jerk as he comes, spilling slick and hot between them. Sebastian doesn’t let up, flicking his tongue over Chris’s nipple where it’s caught between his teeth, the slightest grind back and forth keeping Chris's entire body taut underneath him.

Chris’s voice breaks on the wordless sound he’s making, and his hands hold Sebastian tight against him. Replacing his teeth with his lips, he sucks at Chris’s nipple until he’s gasping, begging Sebastian for more, to stop.

Sebastian pulls back, breathing hard. “Can’t do both. You want me to stop?” He flicks Chris’s other nipple with his finger. “Or do you want more?”

Chris whimpers, his whole body jerking. Sebastian flicks the nipple again, then lets his nail scrape around the areola and over the stiff flesh.

“You want my mouth on this one, Chris? Want me to mark you here?”

Chris’s breath shudders out of him, his whole body shaking with it. He tightens his hands even more, fisting them in Sebastian’s hair again, pulling him up into a wet, sloppy kiss. Chris’s lips are swollen from where he’s bitten them, trying to keep quiet. Sebastian bites them as well, tugging at them. Chris whimpers again, thrusting up even though he’s no longer hard.

“Fuck you look so good.” Sebastian meets Chris’s upward motion, his cock trapped between them. It’s slick with sweat and Chris’s come. Sebastian gasps. “This what it’s gonna feel like inside you? Wet and slick and tight?”

“Seb. G-god. Oh… Oh god.” Chris’s hands slide down Sebastian’s back, digging into his ass. He rocks upward as he pulls Sebastian down, fucking up against him. Sebastian groans and rocks with him. Chris’s hot breath burns against Sebastian’s throat. Sebastian closes his eyes and comes, painting both his and Chris’s stomachs.

Sebastian pulls back slightly, surveying the purple-blue rising on Chris’s tanned skin. Chris is still breathing hard, his eyes black and glassy. Sebastian can’t imagine how he looks, but it’s probably similar. “Fuck.”

Chris exhales a laugh, then grabs Sebastian’s shoulders, turning them over. He moves down until he’s braced over Sebastian's cock then he leans in, licking a stripe through the come on Sebastian’s stomach. He doesn’t look away and Sebastian can’t, his cock twitching as Chris licks him clean.

Sebastian hooks his arms under Chris’s and pulls him into another kiss, sucking the taste of them from his tongue. Eventually the kisses slow and soften, and Sebastian settles Chris between his legs, head on Sebastian’s shoulder. He trails his fingers lightly over the bite marks and bruises on his shoulders. Chris hums softly.

“Hi.”

Sebastian laughs. “Hi yourself.”

“Know this is unexpected, so if you’ve got stuff you have to do…” He doesn’t look at Sebastian, instead focusing on his own finger tracing Sebastian’s nipple. “Work or friends or dates. I’ve got reservations at a hotel.”

Sebastian smacks the back of Chris's head. “You’re canceling your reservation. You’re staying here asshole.”

“I didn’t want to assume.”

Sebastian rolls his eyes. “I’ve got some time before my next movie, I don’t have any friends you can’t hang out with, and I don’t date more than one person at a time. And, unless I’m reading this _very_ wrong, that one person is you.”

A slow, shy smile lights up Chris's face. “So we’re dating?”

“We’ve been texting and talking non-stop. What did you think we were doing?”

“I wasn’t sure if it was a friends with benefits thing.” Chris still isn’t looking at him, so Sebastian touches him underneath his chin to force Chris’s eyes up.

“Hey.” Chris blinks and focuses on Sebastian. His smile is unsure, and Sebastian shakes his head. “You’re the only person I want to be with. I don’t know what that means in the long run, but right now it means I’m dating Chris Evans and am the envy of pretty much every human being on the planet, even though they have no idea why.”

Chris shifts, moving closer to kiss Sebastian softly. “I’m gonna sleep now.”

“You’re a mess.”

“Don’t care.” He yawns and settles back onto Sebastian’s shoulder. He runs his fingers over the bruised skin of his nipple. “Made me yours.”

Sebastian lets Chris’s words wash over him. He runs his fingers through Chris’s sweat-damp hair. Chris’s breathing shifts as he falls asleep. Sebastian sighs. “I’ve been yours for years.”

**

Sebastian wakes up in the same position, his arm heavy from Chris’s weight. Chris’s leg is thrown over his, knee between Sebastian’s legs. Chris’s lips are parted, his breath stirring the dark hair on Sebastian’s chest. He runs his fingers lightly along Chris’s spine before leaning in and pressing a barely-there kiss against his forehead. Chris’s neck, shoulder, left pec, and nipple are a deep purple, almost black in the centers. 

“Jesus,” Sebastian breathes. In the heat of everything, he hadn’t realized how intense he’d been, how hard and deep he’d gone after Chris. He touches the nipple and Chris sucks in a breath. “Fuck. I’m sorry.”

Humming under his breath, Chris presses closer, hips rolling forward, his cock against Sebastian’s thigh. “I’m not.”

“That has to hurt.”

Chris rolls over and levers up onto his hands and looks down at Sebastian. “I asked for it. Wanted it. Been thinking about your mark on me since the first time. Not sure how else to tell you that. Maybe if I tell you that, if I had my way, you’d tie me down to the bed and go after me until every inch of me was under your mouth, no matter how hard I struggled, how much I begged, you’d _own_ me.”

“Shit,” Sebastian groans and pulls Chris down into a kiss. “Want you. Want you so fucking much.”

“You have me.”

Sebastian doesn’t care about morning breath or the dried flakes of come on Chris’s stomach. All he cares about is the slide of Chris’s tongue along his as they slowly fuck into each other’s mouths. Chris lowers himself down on one elbow, his other hand skating along Sebastian’s side.

As frantic as the night before had been, this is languid and slow. Sebastian runs his hands up and down Chris’s sides, his back. Chris breaks the kiss and they breathe together. “Want to take care of you. Let me?”

Sebastian nods even though he’s reluctant to let Chris go. Chris laughs as he pulls away, moving down Sebastian’s body, dropping a trail of kisses down his chest as he goes. He veers to the side, ignoring Sebastian’s hard cock to kiss from the top of his thigh to his knee.

“Mm,” Sebastian murmurs, spreading his legs so Chris can move easily between them. Chris hooks his hands under Sebastian’s knees and moves down between them, pressing his mouth to the inside of Sebastian’s knee, turning his head so his beard slides over the skin. Sebastian drops his other leg to the side as well as he can in Chris’s grip. 

Chris switches between kisses and scraping his beard on the damp skin He takes his time, working up to the base of Sebastian’s thigh and sliding his tongue along the crease and the curve of his ass. Sebastian strains upward, trying to get closer, but Chris’s grip on his knee keeps him still. Chris looks up at him and smiles, his eyes promising Sebastian something he’s pretty sure is wicked and that Sebastian’s either going to love or regret. He’s about to say something when Chris nips at the sensitive skin, then sinks his teeth in harder.

Sebastian tenses again until Chris pulls back, licking his lips. He turns his head and moves over to Sebastian’s other leg, rubbing his beard deliberately down Sebastian’s inner thigh. He groans and his hips jerk up. “Chris…”

“Shh.” He starts at Sebastian’s knee again with kisses and more scrapes of his beard. Sebastian’s already sensitive and his cock is leaking, pre-come pearling at the tip of his foreskin. He gets another lick and a bite, but even expecting it, his body reacts. Chris changes his grip, pulling Sebastian’s legs closer together, his face between them, moving slowly from Sebastian’s knees upward. He keeps it up, back and forth so the heat of Sebastian’s arousal is offset by the friction and burn of Chris’s beard.

“I hate you,” Sebastian gasps. “Fuck, I hate you.”

“Hm?” Chris's voice vibrates against Sebastian’s balls, then he lifts his head to look at Sebastian, and his beard rubs against the sensitive skin of his sac.

“Oh _god_. Don’t fucking stop.”

Chris smirks and lowers his head again. Going down, his beard catches and the hair feels sharp. Sebastian’s not sure what to call the noise he makes, but it’s lewd and desperate in his ears. It chokes off when Chris lifts him higher, all of Sebastian’s weight resting on his upper back and shoulders. Flicking his tongue over Sebastian’s perineum, he doesn’t let up, moving his head so the brush of his beard teases over Sebastian’s hole.

“Jesus fucking Christ.” Sebastian whines as Chris keeps mouthing at his perineum; then he takes Sebastian’s balls into his mouth, beard rubbing the wet skin. Sebastian’s cock is leaking, spilling pre-come down the sides of his dick, riding the edge of overstimulation. Blood is pounding in his ears, and he can barely hear himself repeating Chris’s name, begging him.

Chris finally relents, though Sebastian’s not sure if it’s been minutes or hours. He licks the pre-come trailing down Sebastian’s cock with soft, barely-there licks, making Sebastian squirm and gasp. Chris’s beard still burns against the skin as he deliberately rubs it at the base of Sebastian’s cock, then up shaft as he licks at Sebastian’s foreskin, earning another low cry before Chris pulls back just enough to take Sebastian in his mouth.

It takes an embarrassingly short time for Sebastian to come once he’s in the heat of Chris’s mouth, not even able to warn him before his orgasm washes over him and he fucks it into Chris’s mouth. Chris swallows around him, and Sebastian shudders, body too sensitive, too wound up still. Pulling off of him, Chris eases Sebastian's legs back to the bed. Sebastian feels like his bones have been dissolved, and he can’t manage to bring his legs together when Chris moves from between them and settles onto the bed next to him.

Sebastian turns his head and manages a smile, not even capable of imagining how he looks. “Take care of you as soon as I have control of my limbs.”

Chris laughs and leans in and kisses him.

“You sure I’m the first guy you’ve been with? Because you’re _amazingly_ good at this. Porn? Or did Scott give you pointers?”

Chris wrinkles his nose. “I’m not asking my brother!” He kisses him again. “Maybe you’re just inspiring.”

“I have no bones, Evans.”

“Well, to be fair, everything except the balls and the dick sucking is the same with a woman.”

“True, but you’re really, really good at the dick sucking.”

“Must just be a natural.”

Sebastian leans closer and nuzzles him. “I’m glad I’m your first. Means a lot.” He reaches over and runs his fingers over Chris's cheekbone. “You mean a lot. To me.”

“Not just a piece of ass, huh?”

“Well, it _is_ a great ass, no matter what Mackie says.” He taps Chris on the nose. “Take care of you now. Tell me what you want.”

“Kiss me.”

Sebastian rolls over, his thumb back on Chris’s cheekbone and caressing it. “As much as you want whenever you want.” He fits his mouth to Chris’s, licking against his lips and then into his mouth. There’s a bitter tang of his come on Chris’s tongue as he sucks at it. Chris turns on his side as well, and Sebastian pulls him close. He lets his fingers slide down Chris’s neck over the bruises. “You still want more?”

“Yes.” It’s nothing more than a breath against Sebastian’s mouth. He moves down, tracing the tattoo on Chris’s collarbone with his tongue before turning his head to take the opposite nipple in his mouth. Chris reacts instantly, arching up into the contact.

His nipple is hard before Sebastian's mouth closes over it. He takes his time, gentle at first until Chis is pleading with him for more – to suck harder, bite harder. His control slips and he does what Chris asks, pinching the other bruised nipple tightly until there’s a hint of a sob in Chris’s voice. Sebastian releases both nipples and takes Chris’s mouth in another kiss. He slides his hand between them, wrapping his fingers around Chris’s dick, stroking him hard and fast.

Chris comes but Sebastian doesn’t stop, working him over until he’s writhing and shuddering with overstimulation just like Sebastian had. Chris doesn’t move when Sebastian pulls away. His eyes are closed, long lashes dark on his cheeks. He’s breathing hard, chest rising and falling rapidly.

“You okay?” Sebastian asks quietly.

Chris smiles. “If I had known it was going to be like this, I’d have cornered you the first time I saw you.”

“We wouldn’t have gotten any filming done.” He tugs as Chris’s beard. “You were ruthless with that thing.”

“You just beg so pretty.”

Sebastian sighs, smiling. “We have two weeks?”

“Yeah.”

“You haven’t _seen_ begging yet.”

**

They fall into a pattern of morning sex, relaxing in Sebastian's condo, hanging out in the city, cooking experiments, sex again at night. And sometimes in the afternoon. And instead of dinner. Chris has dark hickeys on his chest, the jut of his hips, the smooth flat skin between his hip and his dick. Sebastian presses on them when they’re doing other things, watching Chris falter for a moment while he feels it. He’ll press on them himself too, fingers hard enough to blanch the skin white before he pulls his hand away. Sebastian can’t look away when he does it, and half the time it ends with Sebastian’s mouth on Chris again.

The first week is almost over and they’re lying in bed against Sebastian’s pillows, watching M*A*S*H* reruns. Their fingers are laced together, Sebastian’s thumb rubbing the top of Chris’s. A commercial comes on and Chris lays his head on Sebastian's shoulder. “Does it bother you that we don’t have sex?”

“Pretty sure we’ve been having sex almost nonstop for a week.”

“You know what I mean.”

Sebastian turns his head and kisses Chris’s hair. “You want to know if I’m upset that no one’s stuck their dick in someone else?”

“The guys you’ve been with…”

“Aren’t you. Aren’t us. I don’t give a fuck if we do that. I told you that at the beginning.” He pulls away and reaches over with his free hand to tilt Chris’s face up, make him look at him. “I’m not in this for the sex. I mean, don’t get me wrong. It’s fucking amazing sex, but I was interested in you – this – a long time before we fell into bed.”

Chris shifts around so he can lay his head on Sebastian’s lap, their joined hands on his chest, his legs hanging over the edge of the bed. “Do you like it?”

“Depends on the guy. I’ve had a couple that we didn’t at all. More just making out and getting off. There was a guy who only topped, which was fine, but after a while it was always the same. Not just because he was always on top, but because he was uninspired.” Sebastian smirks at him, moving their joined hands so he can press against the dark bruise on Chris’s collarbone.

Chris bites his lower lip, his breath sighing out of him. “Do you like bottoming?”

“And topping. And side by side if I like the guy or girl. With you I want whatever we both want. Doesn’t matter what kind of sex we’re having or if we’re not having any at all. If any of this were contingent on penetration, I would have said something a hell of a lot sooner.”

Chris nods, expression serious. “I told Scott I was seeing someone. That I was seeing a guy.”

“Oh?” Both of Sebastian’s eyebrows lift in surprise. “What did he say?”

“Well, he welcomed me to the dark side.”

Sebastian laughs. “I hope that’s not a gay sex joke.” He gives Chris a quick kiss. “Did he ask who?”

“No. But I think he probably knows. He gives me shit for talking about you all the time.”

“Aww. Do you have a crush on me?” He sing-songs.

“No.” Chris reaches for him and pulls their bodies flush. “More than that.”

Sebastian catches his breath and shakes his head. “Don’t say that unless you mean it, Chris.”

“I didn’t go into this lightly.” He licks his lips and reaches out to trace Sebastian’s bottom lip. “I wouldn’t do that to you.”

“C’mere.” Sebastian sits up and tugs Chris until he moves and straddles Sebastian's thighs. “Don’t say that unless you mean it.”

Chris kisses him, slow and thorough. Something tightens in Sebastian’s chest. Their fingers are still entwined and he raises his other hand to cup the back of Chris’s head, to hold him close, to press their bodies together. He untangles their fingers and wraps both arms around Chris’s waist. He meets Chris’s eyes.

“I’m in this for as long as we want to be a this. I promise.”

“Well, we have to at least get along for another week, or I suppose I could do the hotel thing or…” He yelps as Sebastian turns them and pins him to the bed.

“Shut up, asshole.” He kisses Chris hard. “You’re not going anywhere.” He kisses him again and again, all over his face. “You’re mine.” He can almost taste Chris’s willing surrender, and it’s the sweetest thing he’s ever had on his tongue.

**

“I know this sucks.” Sebastian bumps his shoulder against Chris’s as they walk. “I tried to get out of it.”

“I don’t mind hanging out with your friends.”

“It’s your last night here. I fucking mind.” He slings his arm over his shoulder. “I had very detailed plans for us tonight.”

“I’m burnt out on _I Love Lucy_ , dude. A man can only watch the grape-stomping episode so many times.”

“Damn. I guess it’s good we’re going out then.” He lets Chris go even though he doesn’t want to, but there are always paparazzi around, and they’ve already been on a couple of websites. He only knows that because Scott’s been texting Chris, giving him huge amounts of shit. It’s fun to watch Chris blush, and the last time it was so bright red that Sebastian had stolen his phone. He’d known there was a Captain America porn spoof – Captain Americock – as well as one for Winter Soldier and Civil War, though he doesn’t know the titles, but he’d never sought them out.

The still Scott had sent was disturbingly realistic; it was unnerving how much the actors had looked like them. He immediately texted Scott back.

_why are you watching porn starring a lookalike of your brother?_

_Why are you on his phone?_

_We were looking to see if there was something he hadn’t tried yet._

_Don’t say shit like that_

_You started it_

_Do you own it? If you make Chris watch take pictures of him._

_You’re a horrible person._

“Wait!” Chris looks up from where he’s reading over Sebastian’s shoulder and shoves him. “You _own_ that?”

“No! Well…”

“I can’t believe you, Sebs!”

“I did a lot of jerking off before we got together!”

“So did I, but not to your lookalike!”

“Just thinking about me, huh?” Sebastian tossed Chris’s phone aside and tackled him to the couch. After that they’d forgotten about the pictures and Scott altogether.

“So, tell me about your friends.”

Sebastian shakes his head, still smiling at the memory. “Just people I’ve known for a while. Friends from school and the theater.”

“Ah. Real actors.” Chris smiles, but it’s tight around the edges, and Sebastian wishes he’d begged off of tonight. “Should I feel bad that I’m a Hollywood sellout?”

“Trust me, if they could, they’d all be Hollywood sellouts. Besides, you did Broadway once. You’re almost a real actor.” He dodges away from Chris’s shove with a laugh. “They’ll love you.”

“They’ll think I’m a frat boy from Boston.”

“No one thinks you’re a frat boy.”

Chris raises an eyebrow and Sebastian laughs again. He loves how much he laughs when he’s with Chris. Opening the door to the bar, he guides him inside. It’s very much a New York bar, not one of the pub-types that he knows Chris feels more comfortable in. He squeezes Chris’s shoulder and nods toward a table in the back. Everyone hollers a chorus of Sebastian’s nicknames and manage to smile at Chris when they sit down.

Sebastian can’t help keeping an eye on Chris, even though he knows he’s fine. Everyone knows exactly who he is, but they treat him like they would anyone Sebastian might bring along. Chris is quieter than he is when he’s with people he knows, but that’s normal for him. He smiles at what are obviously inside jokes, but he doesn’t pretend to be in on it. Sebastian smiles at him from across the table, but Chris is too deep in conversation with Chloe, a visual artist, to notice. It’s amusing to him that Chris managed to find the one person in the group who isn’t an actor. It’s also pretty obvious from Chris’s gestures that he’s talking about Dodger.

Sebastian turns back to Paul, but instead his eyes go past Paul to the woman standing behind him. His eyebrows shoot up in surprise. “Margarita.”

“Sebastian.” She walks around and leans down, kissing him on both cheeks. Paul grabs a chair from the closest table and Margarita sits down beside Sebastian.

He glances over at Chris, watching him from the corner of his eye. Chris doesn’t seem fazed at all and, as much as he’s actually glad about it, Sebastian almost wishes Chris would react to the fact that Sebastian’s ex-girlfriend he was very serious with just sat down next to him. Chris looks at Sebastian and picks up his beer, fingers loose around the neck of his bottle. He wets his lips and raises it, taking a pull from it.

Sebastian raises his wine glass in a toast and Chris just smirks back at him before taking another drink. After that, it seems like every time Sebastian looks over, Chris is looking at him, watching him. His blue eyes are dark in the dim lighting of the bar, but Sebastian thinks it’s something else causing it. Him. Them.

About an hour later, Sebastian clears his throat. “Chris has an early flight tomorrow, so we should probably call it a night.” He looks at Chris and stands, ignoring the boos and complaints of his friends. Both he and Chris put money on the table and say their goodbyes – Chris telling Margarita how nice it was to see her again. They’d met on the set of the first _Captain America_ and, even though Chris hasn’t seen her since, he’s unfailingly polite and asks her a few questions about things Sebastian doesn’t remember her and Chris – or him and Chris for that matter – ever talking about.

She kisses Chris and Sebastian goodbye on their cheeks and then they’re finally out of the bar and on their way home.

“Shit.” Sebastian rakes his gaze over Chris. “I want to pull you into that alley and suck you off.”

“That’s a little too indiscreet for me.”

“No exhibitionist kink, huh?”

“Not for a long time. I’ve got enough of a public life. I like to keep some things private. Like my dick.”

“You just share that with your closest friends.”

“Only one friend, actually.”

Sebastian smiles and they walk quietly for a while. They’re almost home when Sebastian looks over. Chis has a sweet smile on his face though his brow is furrowed. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

He cocks an eyebrow. “Bullshit. Tell me.”

“it’s just weird. Hanging out with your real friends.”

“First of all, you’re my real friend, Pinocchio. Secondly, you’re going to call them all hipsters, aren’t you?”

“they were all wearing _scarves_.”

“You wear plaid. And glasses.”

“Not _ironically_.”

“True. You’d wear plaid anyway. “ Sebastian grins. “I’m not even sure how we manage to get along.”

Chris side-eyes him. “I’m getting a scarf for Christmas, aren’t I?”

“I don’t know. Are you buying me plaid?”

“Not sure plaid is right for you.”

They get to the building and Sebastian lets them in, catching Chris’s wrist once they’re through the door. He leads him to the elevator and, once they’re inside, Sebastian backs Chris against the wall, standing between his spread legs. “I’m sorry Margarita showed up.”

“Why?”

“Well, she’s my ex.”

“I’m aware. But you guys are still friends, right? And you didn’t invite her.”

“Yeah. And of course not.”

“So shut up.” He tugs Sebastian’s hips until their bodies are flush. “And kiss me.”

He does, biting Chris’s lower lip then sucking it into his mouth slowly. Chris moans quietly as Sebastian lets it melt into a kiss. Tugging Sebastian’s shirt up, Chris slides his hand onto the bare skin beneath. Sebastian’s breath catches and he breaks the kiss to shake his head. “We’re not doing this in the elevator, no matter how much I want to get into your pants. Not on your last night. I want this to last.” He pulls away and exhales roughly. “Assuming we get to my floor sometime tonight.”

Chris leans forward and pushes the button for Sebastian’s floor. “That’ll probably help.”

**

Sebastian pushes Chris toward the bedroom, refusing to let him stop or turn around. He ignores any protests until they’re in the bedroom. When they stop, Chris turns and looks at him. “What?”

“Don’t move.”

“Sebs…”

“Chris.” His voice is firm. “Don’t move, okay?” Chris nods and watches Sebastian with dark eyes. 

“Ha. Should have known you liked to be bossed around.”

“I’m an actor. That’s a huge chunk of my job.”

“You’re also a director.” Sebastian starts unbuttoning Chris’s shirt, taking his time. “Does that mean you like being in charge sometimes?”

“I like not being in the spotlight.”

Sebastian leans in and kisses him as he works another button free. “Sorry, you’re in my spotlight tonight. So keep your hands to yourself, got it?”

“Or what?”

Sebastian fucks his tongue slowly into Chris’s mouth. Chris brushes his tongue against Sebastian’s. Sebastian captures it and sucks on it as he unfastens another button. “I’ll stop.”

“Really?”

“You can test me and find out.” He gets another button free. “Or you can behave.”

Chris’s body tenses, then he shivers and loosens up. Sebastian smiles and undoes the last button of Chris’s shirt. He slides his hands up Chris’s abdomen and chest to his shoulders to push the material off of him. As soon as it’s on the floor, Sebastian leans in, raining soft kisses on Chris’s skin. The marks Sebastian left the night before are dark, and he hadn’t stopped sucking until Chris was writhing, begging, tears stinging his eyes.

Chris had pushed him away, covered in bruises and come, his body flushed and shaking. Sebastian had knelt between his legs and it hadn’t taken more than a couple of strokes before he came all over Chris, marking him even further. Tonight he kisses the marks lightly, brushing his lips over them just enough for Chris to feel them. He spends time on Chris’s throat and shoulders, stroking his fingers up and down Chris’s arms and feeling the goosebumps form. He looks up at Chris and his eyes are closed, head tilted back, the bruises black in the light.

“Christ, you’re so fucking gorgeous.” Chris’s skin goes even redder with a blush, and Sebastian can’t help but move back to Chris’s mouth and kiss him hungrily. Chris follows Sebastian’s instructions and keeps his arms at his sides, his hands clenched into fists. 

Sebastian lifts one up to his mouth, kissing Chris’s knuckles before easing his fingers from the fist and slowly sucking one into his mouth. Chris groans and Sebastian parts his lips, tongue wrapping around another finger to pull it inside as well. Forcing Chris’s other hand open, Sebastian tangles their hands together.

When he looks up, Chris is staring at Sebastian, watching him as he sucks the fingers in to the knuckle. He opens his mouth again, and Chris slides another finger in. The noise Chris makes causes Sebastian’s cock to twitch. He moves their joined hands between them, resting them between their cocks.

He pulls back, letting Chris’s wet fingers slip from his mouth, trail over his bottom lip and down his chin. Chris’s lips remain parted and his eyes are as black as his bruises. He guides their hands out from between them and lifts them to his mouth, sucking both of their pointer fingers between his lips, surrounding them with heat.

“Fuck, Sebs.” Chris’s voice breaks. “Let me touch you.”

Sebastian bites lightly at their fingers and shakes his head. Chris whimpers and Sebastian can feel the shudder go through him. He knows how hard Chris is, and he knows how much he wants him, but he also knows it could be a long time until they see each other again.

Finally he pulls away, fingers tangled with Chris’s as he eases them from his mouth. Sebastian holds Chris’s gaze, memorizing the look of him before he sinks to his knees. He nuzzles and kisses Chris’s tight stomach as he unfastens his belt and undoes his fly. Chris’s abdominal muscles contract as Sebastian traces the waistband of Chris’s jeans with his tongue. Chris’s eyes flutter closed and, when he reopens them and looks at Sebastian, he has to duck his head before he says something that he doesn’t think Chris is actually ready to here, may not ever _want_ to hear. It’s something that’s likely to destroy everything. They both know there’s no way Chris Evans is coming out.

Chris frowns down at him. “Sebs?” Sebastian shakes his head and slides Chris’s jeans over his thighs and down to the floor, stripping them off along with his shoes and socks. “You don’t have to do this.”

“What?”

He reaches out and rubs his thumb along Sebastian’s eyebrow. “You look… You look like you don’t want to do this. It’s okay.”

“There’s not a universe in which I don’t want this, want you. I promise.” He rests his head against Chris’s hip, kissing him on the hard jut of bone. He looks up again. Chris still looks slightly worried, but he nods. Sebastian kisses above his waistband, then hooks his fingers over the elastic and eases the gray fabric down, carefully guiding it over Chris’s cock.

Sebastian licks a stripe up the underside, tracing the dark vein. Chris catches his breath. He still has a slight frown wrinkling his forehead, but it seems to dissolve as Sebastian traces the ridge of the head, then slides the flat of his tongue over the slit. Chris’s leg trembles, and Sebastian grabs his hips to help support him as he takes Chris into his mouth, sucking him deep.

Chris reaches out to touch him, stopping at the last second and pulling his hand back. Sebastian smiles around him and Chris huffs a breath, though the sound gets choked off when Sebastian holds Chris’s cock between his tongue and the roof of his mouth, his lips tight around the base.

He takes his time, sucking slowly and evenly, matching the pulse of Chris’s blood. Sebastian looks up and Chris is beautiful. Body firm and hard, but so easy to be against, power and softness all at once. He rubs his thumbs over Chris’s hips, then presses against the bruises there. Chris moans softly and Sebastian presses harder until Chris rises onto the balls of his feet, his hips canting forward. Sebastian tightens his grip and refuses to let Chris move, fighting against his attempts to thrust. He can feel Chris’s frustration, the desperation, can hear it in the sounds Chris makes.

He can also tell that Chris is getting close, that despite Sebastian keeping him still, he’s right on the edge. Chris’s hands are clenched into fists, and Sebastian can see his knuckles going white out of the corner of his eye.

Chris gasps Sebastian’s name and his whole body goes tight. Sebastian increases the pressure of his mouth and pulls back, letting Chris slide spit-slick from between his lips.

Chris’s knees quiver and Sebastian gives him a slight push so he ends up on the bed and not the floor. Chris’s shoulders are slumped forward, his body heaving and his breath a low, rough growl. “Goddamn it.”

Sebastian climbs onto the bed, crawling over Chris and forcing him down onto his back. He gets up and straddles Chris’s spread thighs and leans in to kiss him, the denim of his jeans against Chris’s cock. Chris shudders. Sebastian props one elbow on the mattress beside Chris’s head and smiles down at him. “I’m going to keep you up and on edge all night, and maybe I’ll let you get a couple hours of sleep before your flight.”

“All night, huh?”

“Yeah.”

“What about you?” Chris is breathless and Sebastian has to bite his lip to keep from making a sound. “You gonna wait as long as you make me?”

“Do anything you want.”

“Good. If I’m going to be blue-balled and frustrated, I’m not going to be the only one.”

**

“No time for a morning quickie, huh?”

Chris laughs and bends over to tie his shoes. His broad back is hidden beneath a blue and gray flannel, and the collar of the t-shirt underneath is damp from his wet hair. “Given that you finally let me come two hours ago.”

“For the _third_ time!”

“There’s no way in hell I’m up for morning sex. And it doesn’t count as three. It was all at once.”

“There were three distinct starts and stops.”

Chris turns his head and smiles at him. “You were keeping track?”

“I couldn’t look away.” Sebastian’s voice is low and husky from lack of sleep and from hours of sucking Chris to the edge before backing off, from whispering quiet and dirty promises into Chris’s ear. “Besides. I have a reputation to uphold.”

Leaning over, Chris kisses Sebastian, tracing his jaw as he pulls back. “I gotta go.”

“Yeah.” He watches as Chris gets off the bed and shoves the previous day’s clothes into his duffel. Sebastian closes his eyes as Chris leaves the bedroom, his chest tight. He can hear Chris gathering the last of his things, hears him head to the door.

Sebastian’s out of the bed before it’s a conscious thought, shoving Chris against the door and kissing him, quick, hard and hungry kisses that sting and hurt. 

“Don’t go.” He’s practically begging, pressed against Chris, trying to get closer. Sebastian grabs a fistful of Chris’s hair and controls the kisses. Finally he pulls back. He’s panting, his heart rabbiting in his chest. “Sorry.”

Chris shakes his head, leaning in and pressing a barely-there kiss against Sebastian’s lips. “I’ll call you from L.A.”

He nods. “Yeah.”

Another kiss and Chris is pulling away and out the door. Sebastian shuts and locks it behind him. Going back into his room, he crawls under the covers, already missing Chris’s warmth.

**

Phone calls suck.

It takes the first call when Chris gets to L.A. for Sebastian to realize that. Especially now that he knows what it feels like to have Chris next to him. And right now all they have is phone calls because Chris is home with Dodger and working on something in Malibu, and Sebastian is going on location over in Europe, so even the opportunity for phone calls drops off.

Which sucks even more.

He calls Chris the night before he’s due to leave, late enough that he should be home. Chris answers, slightly out of breath. “On a run with Dodger. Call you back?”

“Maybe I like you all breathless.”

“From _running_.”

“Yeah, okay. Call me back.” He hangs up and slumps against his pillows. Looking through his contacts list, he stops on Mackie’s name, debating with himself before shooting off a text.

_need advice_

_I see. You hang out with your hamptons boys but only call me when you need something._

_you’re literally across the country from me._

_whatever, slacker._

His phone rings and he sends another text. _can I call you later?_

_yeah. Course_

Sebastian doesn’t actually wait for his reply before answering Chris’s call. “Hey.”

“Hey. I… Stop it. Okay… okay. Dodger says hi. And just licked the phone, so you know he likes you.”

“Dodger likes everyone.”

“But you rate kisses.”

“Not just from Dodger, I hope.”

“I’m sure there are a few other people in the world who might be willing.”

“Oh?” Sebastian knows he’s smiling like an idiot. “Know any of them personally?”

“One or two.” He can hear the answering smile in Chris’s voice. 

“Two?”

“Mackie’d kiss you.”

“Who’s my other choice? Who knows where Mackie’s been.”

“How soon they forget.” Chris laughs. “All set for the old country?”

“Packed and ready to go. You’re the last thing before bed. Since I can’t have you in bed.”

“Well, if you weren’t so in demand.”

“Pretty sure that’s you.”

“Both of us.” Chris pauses then sighs. “As soon as this shoot’s done, I’m finishing up the final cut of the film. When you’re back in the States, you should come to California.”

“I should, huh?”

“You know, if you don’t have anything better to do.”

“I can’t think of anything I’d rather do than you.”

Chris laughs. “Oh. Oh, that was terrible.”

“It was romantic!”

“Anything that contains the sentiment of ‘do you’ is _not_ romantic.”

“Lies.” Sebastian laughs too and then they’re both quiet, listening to each other breathe. “You’re too far away.”

“You’re going to Italy. You’re going to be ever farther away.”

“Who thought dating an actor living on the opposite coast would be a good idea?”

“Obviously we’re a couple of idiots.”

“Obviously.” He hums quietly. “So. What are you wearing?”

“A frilly negligee and crotchless panties.”

“Is that what you went running in?”

“You’ll have to check with TMZ. Why? What are you wearing?”

“The same thing, which is more than a little embarrassing.” He smiles and waits for Chris’s laughter to die down. “Seriously though. I knew I was going to talk to you. I’m not wearing anything. Just spread out on my bed.”

“I didn’t want to wait to call, so I’m still in my sweaty running clothes.”

“I could lick all the sweat from the hollow of your throat. Suck it off your skin where your bruises used to be.” He can hear Chris undressing, can practically see him sprawled out and looking up at him. “Are you sweaty all over? Should I lick your chest and the crease of your thighs?”

“Jesus, Sebs.” Chris groans. “Let me finish getting undressed first so I don’t come in my clothes.”

“Not my fault you’re a slowpoke.”

“It’s your fault that you’re an asshole though.”

“You love it. You’d think I didn’t like you anymore if I stopped giving you shit.”

Chris laughs softly and Sebastian can hear the sound of the bed. “True, but if you keep it up, I’m not going to tell you my secret.”

“Oh, I swear Mr. Evans, I’ll be on my _best_ behavior.”

“Okay, now I’m a little creeped out.”

Sebastian laughs. “Never satisfied, are you?”

Chris’s voice drops low. “You _know_ that’s not true.”

And just like that the conversation changes, the teasing stops. “Tell me your secret.”

“I watched our porno.”

“Our…Oh! The original?”

“I couldn’t handle the one with the threesome with the Robert double. I have to look him in the eye at some point.”

“Stay clear of the Avengers ones then.” Sebastian smiles. Apparently the teasing never quite ends with them. He actually likes that. He’s fairly sure that not having fun in relationships is stupid, and not having fun with sex is a death knell. “But tell me about your porn adventure.”

“Well, first of all, the second one doesn’t have a parody name, so it was a letdown from the start. But, apparently, instead of Steve and Bucky beating the shit out of each other on the bridge, Bucky fucks him over the side of it.”

“That doesn’t seem particularly conducive to continuing the plot.”

“And the buckles and armory on Bucky’s gear have rid me of any thoughts of fucking while you’re in costume.”

“At least I probably _could_ get my dick out, Mr. Unitard.” Chris laughs and Sebastian is pretty sure he’d be getting flipped off if Chris were there. “Did Steve like it? Getting fucked in public? Getting bent over and taken by a stranger? Someone as big and powerful as him?”

Chris’s breath is slightly shaky. “Yeah. Yeah. He was…was begging for it. Desperate. Kept reaching back to grab his ass, pull him deeper.”

“And?” Sebastian’s breath is tight in his chest.

“And.” This time Chris’s breath hitches, catches in his throat. “And I thought about it. That. You. Inside me. How desperate I’d be to have you deep.”

“Oh. Jesus Christ, Chris.”

“I thought about it. Got my fingers slick. T-touched.”

“Oh. Jesus fuck.” Sebastian closes his fist around his dick, already close. Just from the thought.

“Rubbed. Touched.” Chris’s voice is getting hoarser, and Sebastian knows Chris is stroking himself or doing what he’s describing. Sebastian thinks about how tight Chris’s ass must be.

“Did… Did you push them inside you?”

“No. Nobody… Nobody but you.” Sebastian’s head falls back and bangs against the headboard. “Y-you want to try, Sebastian? Be my first? Again?”

“Want everything you want to give me.” He’s stroking himself fast, knowing he’s not going to last much longer. “G-god, Chris…”

He comes, lying there panting as he hears Chris finish just after him. He feels like he can’t catch his breath. Chris’s breathing is as rough and ragged as his. Neither of them says anything. Sebastian’s not sure he’s capable of it. After what feels like forever, he sighs to get his breathing back on track. “You know you don’t have to, right?”

“I know.”

“We don’t have to. I told you penetration isn’t some sort of dealbreaker.”

“I know. I just… I thought you’d like…”

Sebastian can practically hear Chris’s embarrassment. “You can talk about it. Fantasize about it. Play with it. Tease me with it. The thought of doing that with you is hot, and thinking about it gets me all worked up, but trust me, fantasies are fine. I have you in so many ways, Chris. All the ways that matter.”

Chris is silent and Sebastian can hear the distant jingling of Dodger’s collar. Finally he hears Chris take a shaky breath. “You do.”

“And this was quite the rollercoaster of a phone call. I mean, we totally stuck the landing, but the lead up was all over the place.”

Chris laughs. “We’re not doing your sex scene from _The Bronze_.”

“It was _art_.” He can picture Chris’s face, and it hurts how much he wants to see it.

“Go to sleep, Sebs. It’s late and you’ve got a flight to catch early tomorrow.”

“Don’t want to go yet. Who knows when we’ll get to talk again. And I can sleep on the plane.”

“Is it a rule that you have to be stubborn?”

“Maybe.”

“Sleep.”

“Phone calls suck. Texts suck. Europe’s nice this time of year. When was the last time you saw Europe?”

“Goodnight.”

Sebastian sighs. “Fine. Goodnight.”

He hangs up and knows Chris is right. He should sleep. Instead he calls Mackie. Anthony’s tone of voice makes it clear he’s smirking. Probably has been since the last text. “Out with it.”

“I’m in love.”

“You’re what with the what now?”

“In love.”

“No. No you’re not.”

“Yeah. I am.”

“No, you’re not. Because if you are, you’re in love with Chris, and that’s the stupidest thing possible to be. Do.”

He’s immediately defensive. “Why?”

“I’ve worked with the two of you. A lot. In close quarters. You’ve been into each other for years, so you’re supposed to have monkey sex and get it out of your systems. You’re both solid B, lower A-list actors. _Straight_ actors.”

“That’s obviously not true.”

“Straight-presenting actors whose careers are on the rise, and falling in love is not something you do.”

“ _That’s_ obviously not true.”

Mackie sighs. “Chris know how you feel?”

“I think so. I don’t know. No?”

“Chris feel the same?”

“I don’t know.”

“Okay. Devil’s advocate here.” Mackie’s voice is quiet, and Sebastian knows he’s trying to soften the blow he’s about to deliver. “Say he knows. Say he feels the same. What then?” He keeps going, not giving Sebastian a chance to answer. “You guys coming out? Gonna be with each other?”

Sebastian sighs. “No.”

“No. So you’re either stuck with illicit meetings, pretending you’re just friends. Gotta find beards so the public doesn’t get suspicious. Or you break it off. Now. Before it gets worse.”

“Worse?”

“Yeah. Worse. Before one of you says or does something stupid you can’t explain your way out of.” He’s quiet for a few seconds but still there. “Trust me. I don’t want to say this. Two of my best friends being happy together? I love that shit.”

“Yeah. I know. You’re a secret romantic deep down in your dark soul.”

“You know it.”

Sebastian exhales, and it’s shaky. It’s not like he hasn’t confessed to Anthony. It’s not like it’s anything new. “Right. Okay. So.”

“Sebastian?” He knows it’s serious when Anthony uses his full name. “You’re his first, right?”

“That’s not your business.”

“I know most people would think that means it’s just a thing, but we both know him, and he doesn’t do that. Doesn’t take things lightly. So I don’t doubt what you mean to him. But I also know he put a lot on the line for this. He won’t be the one to break it off.”

**

Sebastian composes a text asking Chris to call him, then deletes it. He types up an email telling him they need to talk that lingers in his draft folder. He can’t answer Chris’s texts or calls because of how much he wants to, and eventually they taper off, even if they don’t stop. Even if all of them ask him what’s wrong, if Chris did something.

He emails Mackie and tells him to go hang out with Chris, and then he goes out with some of the movie cast and crew, and lets himself get caught with one of the extras, kissing her in an alley, pretending he doesn’t know the camera’s there.

Then the texts stop.

Well. Chris’s texts do. He gets one in all caps from Mackie telling him that’s not what he fucking meant, and one from Scarlett that’s entirely pissed-off emojis. The one he gets from Scott has Sebastian drunk off his ass and spending a day throwing off filming because he can’t stop his stomach from heaving when he’s not puking in the toilet.

They finish the film and Sebastian flies home. He normally doesn’t drink on planes, but he has a couple on the way back to New York. He falls asleep and wakes up with a start, heart pounding. He doesn’t let himself go back to sleep, and he drinks his way through several bottles of water before they land.

As soon as his door is shut behind him, he grabs the bottle of vodka out of the freezer and shudders his way through the whole thing, taking way too long to pass out.

The next four months _suck_ , second only to moving to the States when he could barely speak English. Actually, it sucks even worse. He goes out with his friends and gives vague answers when they ask about Chris and he has a very ill-advised reunion with Margarita that she’s actually kind enough to end before he completely embarrasses himself by doing something stupid like asking her to marry him.

He does manage to start and finish another film and, because his life is shit, Jenny Slate is one of his costars. Who he’s in a relationship with in the movie. And, unlike Sebastian, she had an easy and supposedly mutual breakup with Chris. On top of that, since no one knows he was dating Chris, much less that they broke up, Sebastian has to have conversations about him. He explains that they’ve both been busy, out of touch.

He's relieved as fuck when filming ends, and he’s pretty sure Jenny thinks he’s a complete and utter dick. Sebastian doesn’t care, mostly because she’s right. It’s not until he’s at home again that he processes her goodbye telling him to have fun on the festival circuit and to say hi to Chris for her. 

Shit. Shit. Shit.

He calls his agent the next morning. She gives him the festival rundown and asks which ones he’d like to attend, if not all of them. “You have to do Sundance, Sebs. Everyone will want pictures of you, Chris, and Redford.”

He agrees to that, L.A., and Toronto, and he can’t actually think about saying no to Cannes. Chris is planning on Tribeca, so that’s for sure because he lives in New York and not showing up would be suspicious. He turns down Boston, because he has absolutely no desire to spend time with Chris’s family, assuming the Evans clan doesn’t eviscerate him on sight.

He spends the next three weeks in Don’s gym working himself as hard as Don will let him, especially after he realizes it’s been almost seven months since he’s seen Chris, almost six since he’s talked to him. Then he gets the invite to Tribeca, the email with the showing and event times, and then the six-month festival circus starts.

Everyone meets for drinks first at some hole in the wall someone knows. There’s no one else from the festival there, so it’s just the producer, Chris, Sebastian, and three of his costars. Sebastian gets there exactly at the appointed time so his distance from Chris isn’t as noticeable in the flurry of greetings.

The problem isn’t that Chris looks good. No. The problem is that he’s laughing and joking with everyone, including Sebastian, and it’s like nothing ever happened between them. And he’s always known Chris is a good actor, but he’d never really realized how good. Because the alternative is thinking that none of it meant as much to Chris as it did to him.

There are two cars to take them to the venue, and Sebastian piles into the one with the rest of the cast. They’re all excited, and it only takes a minute before Sebastian realizes they’ve all seen the film. He keeps quiet, glad he’s in the front seat so they don’t expect him to chime in. Of course they all know he hasn’t seen it, because he wasn’t there with them.

He wants to hang back at the red carpet, but they shove him together with Chris. They get asked what it was like to be working together in the capacity of director and actor instead of costars, and they say complimentary things. And Chris is Chris: affection, casual touches, and laughter.

Sebastian tries not to shiver the first time Chris touches him, and he fails completely at not leaning into Chris when he throws his arm over Sebastian’s shoulders. Between reporters, Chris smiles – Sebastian thinks it’s supposed to be a smile at least – and leans in, his voice hard. “This is on you, so act like a goddamn professional.” He laughs and pulls away, and Sebastian manages a laugh as well, shoving against Chris playfully. After that, it’s all acting until they’re in the theater.

Of course, Sebastian has to sit next to Chris, but thankfully he’s too absorbed in the movie to realize until it’s over that his leg is against Chris’s, his foot hooked under his. As soon as the lights come up, Chris moves away, standing before Sebastian can really process what must have happened. What he must have done.

He’s standing in the lobby with even more reporters, pushing off as many compliments as he can to Chris. He’s honestly effusive because he’s blown away by the film. It’s a throwback to film noir and an homage at the same time, and he has to work to keep from using fucking as an adjective.

They’re all ushered back into the cars to the actually reception, and at least there Sebastian can keep his distance. That’s when he realizes Chris has a date, his arm slung casually around her waist, fingers resting on her hip. Sebastian swallows hard, nearly choking when he gets slapped hard on the back of the head.

“You are the biggest fucking idiot I’ve ever met, and I’ve known some really idiotic people. Dated some of them.”

“Hey, Scarlett.”

“What the _hell_ were you thinking?”

“I was thinking I should get out before I wanted more than he could give and I got my heart broken.”

“Yeah? And how’d that work out for you?”

“My heart’s fine.”

“Do you not even care what you did to him?”

“I don’t know. Looks like he’s made a complete recovery.”

“I take it back. You’re not the biggest idiot. You’re the biggest asshole.”

Sebastian grabs a drink from a passing waiter and moves away from her, working his way out of the room and into the hallway. It’s quieter, but not quiet, so he makes his way down until he finds an unlocked door and slips inside.

He leans against the door, eyes closed, though they snap open when he hears a rough huff of something that’s probably supposed to be laugher and a low muttered “Jesus Christ.”

Seb groans. “I’ll get out of your hair.”

“Don’t bother.” Chris pushes off the wall, out of the shadows. His tie is pulled loose, and there are furrows in his hair from where his fingers were buried in it. Sebastian’s familiar with that look. Has created that look on Chris in a completely different manner at least once. Fuck. “I should get back out there.”

“Chris…”

“Shut the fuck up.” Sebastian doesn’t think he’s ever seen Chris really angry, and he knows he’s never seen him this hurt, this wounded, even when Sebastian had backed away from him the first time. “You don’t get to say _anything_.”

“I just…” He grabs Chris’s arm and ends up on the ground, his jaw aching.

“I don’t care.”

**

The movie wins the fucking Palme d’Or at Cannes. They all sit there stunned until someone slaps Chris on the back and he manages to make his way up to accept it. Sebastian’s hands hurt from clapping, and he hugs Chris hard and tight when he makes it back to the table. Chris returns it, his face buried in Sebastian’s neck. Sebastian bites back a noise and forces himself to pull back. “Congrats.”

“A lot of this is because of you.” Chris swallows and smiles. The genuineness of it makes Sebastian’s breath catch. “Thank you.”

“Chris.”

He shakes his head and pulls away, turning to the rest of the cast and thanking them. Sebastian finishes his drink and everyone starts to file out, and Sebastian gets his share of congratulations. Another set of cars take them to the afterparty. It passes in a blur of drinks and hors d'oeuvres and a few propositions. It’s almost dawn when he finally leaves, shuffled into a car, sliding in and finding himself next to Chris. Chris smiles another brilliant goddamn smile and leans in, whispering loudly. “We won the Palme d’Or. The fuckin’ top prize. We did. Us. Captain fucking America and the Winter fucking Soldier.”

“Hey now. I’m Captain America too.”

“Sloppy seconds.” Sebastian wants to drown in Chris’s grin.

“Ouch. No need to be nasty.” He smiles back and reaches out, rubbing his fingers over Chris’s knee. Chris looks down at Sebastian's hand and frowns, but he doesn’t say anything as they pull up to the hotel. They climb out on opposite sides of the SUV, but they’re in the elevator together, and Sebastian can’t stop staring at him. “I’m really proud of you.”

Chris blushes and smiles shyly, ducking his head. “Thanks.”

“It’s amazing. The movie.”

“You were amazing.”

Sebastian shakes his head and steps toward Chris. “You are.”

“Sebastian.”

“I know. I know.” He stops in front of Chris and rests his forehead against his. His breath is short, caught in his chest. “Just… Just for a minute.”

“We can’t. _I_ can’t.”

“I know.” He forces himself to step back. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. You did… You did what…” He shakes his head and moves out of the elevator as the doors open and a couple get on. Sebastian slumps against the wall and thumps his head against it, muttering to himself. “Fuck.”

He gets off the elevator on his floor, head down as he walks to his room. He looks up and sees Chris leaning against the door to Sebastian’s with his hands shoved deep in his pockets and his face flushed. He doesn’t look up.

Sebastian clears his throat. “Hey.”

“I’m sorry.” Chris doesn’t look at him. “I just wish you’d told me. I thought you’d tell me.”

“Look at me?” Chris does and it makes Sebastian _hurt_. “Believe it or not, I saved us both a lot of pain. We couldn’t be serious. You’re… You. A-list. And it wouldn’t work. Not in the long run.”

“So hurting me was just to keep from hurting me.”

“I wasn’t trying to hurt you.”

“I’m sure. I’m sure I was the last thing on your mind.” He huffs an angry breath. “Let me give you a little advice. I don’t know. Maybe it’s different for guys, but _adults_ use their words. ‘Hey, Chris. It’s not working out.’ ‘Hey, Chris, this isn’t what I want after all.’ ‘Hey Chris, thanks for the good time.’”

“I couldn’t say any of those things. They’re not true.”

“‘Hey, Chris. I think you’re a jerk who’s experimenting, and I don’t want to be a part of that.’”

“Chris.”

“Don’t. Please.” He closes his eyes. “I’m an idiot. I should have never said anything. At least then we’d still be friends.” He starts to walk away and Sebastian doesn’t think, just reacts. He grabs Chris’s arm and hauls him back in against his chest before he turns him and presses Chris against the door.

“We are friends.”

He can see the pulse in Chris’s throat, feel it in his wrists.

“You said you didn’t care. About the sex.”

“What?”

“Look, whatever it was, whatever I did. I’m sorry. Can we just get through the festivals and, if we need to, the award shows? Then we’re good, okay? Marvel and I are done, so give me this and you’ll never have to deal with me again. Okay? Just give me that.” Chris meets his eyes and he looks defeated. Sebastian did that to him. “Please.”

Every instinct in Sebastian’s body is telling him to kiss Chris senseless, to forget every stupid thing that got them here. Kiss him and take him inside and taste every inch of him again. Except he knows it would be selfish and hurt Chris as much as, if not more than, himself.

“I promise.” He steps away so Chris can leave. He watches him all the way down the hall, then watches as he disappears into his room. Sebastian opens his own door and goes inside. There are messages on his phone, but he ignores them, slipping out of his shoes, loosening his tie, falling into bed, and hoping he’s still drunk enough to fall asleep.

**

They’re on the flight home together, because that’s the kind of luck Sebastian has. They’re also seated right next to each other, because apparently he’s in hell. Even with the first-class seats their legs and arms keep brushing. Chris’s knee is bouncing up and down and finally Sebastian has to reach over and put his hand on top of it. Chris jerks and stops moving. “Is this because of me?”

“I’m just thinking about all the publicity. I mean already with this. And then more.”

Sebastian carefully runs his hand from Chris’s knee to mid-thigh. “You’re not doing it alone. I told you I’d be there.”

Chris closes his eyes, muscles of his thigh tightening when Sebastian squeezes. Chris’s voice is so soft Sebastian barely hears him. “I don't know how to do this.”

“You do. You’re a professional.”

“Not this.” Chris grabs Sebastian’s hand and guides it higher, letting his finger brush over the hardening bulge in Chris’s track pants. “This.”

Sebastian shivers and curves his palm over Chris’s cock. Chris shudders and his hips rock up. His eyes closed tight. Sebastian groans quietly. “Jesus, Chris.”

“I’m sorry. I know you don’t…” Chris bolts out of his seat and disappears into the bathroom. Sebastian buries his face in his hands, trying to quell the urge to follow him and touch him, taste him. Instead he texts Mackie.

_Tell me what the fuck to do._

_Stop spending time with him._

_We’re on a festival tour!_

_Separate cars. Separate seats. Separate planes. Don’t hang out._

_You’re useless. This is your fault._

_I’m not the one who decided the best way to break up with the boy was to fuck a co-star_

_I didn’t fuck her._

_Semantics_

_It's not semantics when it comes to whether or not my dick was involved!_

_What do you want to do?_

_Not make him feel like shit every time he sees me_

_You think anything has changed about the situation_

_Other than he hates me and hates that he still wants to have sex with me?_

_Yeah. Other than that_

_I hate you_

Chris comes back and settles into his seat, pulling out his headphones. He glances at Sebastian. “I’m sorry. That won’t happen again. That was unprofessional and non-consensual. I’m going to have them move me to a different seat.”

“Don’t be stupid. We’re both adults. Besides, I touched you first.” Sebastian sighs. “I went about this a really shitty way. You deserve better than that.”

“Are you together? You and her?”

“What? No. I don't even know her na--” He cuts himself off at the gutted look Chris gives him.

“You didn’t mean any of it, did you? Wow. I’m a fucking idiot. Jesus.” He gets out of his seat, grabs his stuff and moves across the aisle where he can’t see Sebastian at all.

**

The next few months are hell. They walk the carpet making sure they’re staggered so they’re not together. Sebastian doesn’t stay for the screenings and Chris doesn’t go to the afterparties. All in all it’s a good system. Except people notice. Their friends notice when they’re in L.A. for the film and, whether when Chris is, Sebastian isn’t.

Mackie makes Sebastian meet him at a bar and puts a beer and a shot glass in front of him. “Drink.”

He does because it’s been a long day of press where he and Chris had to be in the same room together. He spent most of his time assuring people that Chris is an amazing director and the fact that he thought of Sebastian for this role was incredible. He also has to explain that the _film_ receiving accolades is a tribute to Chris as a director and there’s no rivalry between them. “I’m gonna need more of these.”

“You here all week?”

“Yeah. In a hotel.” He doesn’t say he’s not at Chris’s, but it hangs in the air between them.

“If you don’t take into account how you did it, do you think it was the right decision?”

“I think he hates me. I think I hate myself. And I miss him like hell.”

“Not what I asked.”

“What did you tell him? He knows you and Scar know, right?”

“Not exactly.”

“What does that mean?”

“You know how he is about relationships. He’s a private guy.”

Sebastian stares at him. “I don’t fucking believe this.”

Mackie shrugs and sips his own beer. “How do you think he’d have reacted if we’d said something?”

“Like you’re his friends! Like you’re concerned! Or, hell, you know, fucking happy for us.”

“You’re as stubborn and bull-headed as the day is long.” Anthony sets his beer down and looks directly at Sebastian. “You wouldn't have listened to a damn word I said if you didn’t think I was right.”

Sebastian drains his beer. “It hurts. How much he hates me. How every time I say something I seem to make things worse. I can’t even explain to him without hurting him.”

“Okay. Well now you can try again.” He gets up from the table and walks behind Sebastian. He turns as Mackie claps his hand on Chris’s shoulder. “Evans, sit down and shut up. Let the boy say his piece. I stuck my big, magnificent ass into the fire here, and I’d now like to get it out. I’ll send over some drinks.”

They both stare at him as he walks to the bar, pays the bartender, and walks out. A server comes over with two beers, two shot glasses, and a bottle of top-shelf tequila. Chris looks down at the table, then over at Sebastian. “We’re not doing this here.”

Sebastian picks up one of the beers, drains it, then stuffs the bottle of tequila in his jacket. “Where to?”

“Come on.” Chris starts to head for the door, but he turns around and slams the tequila shot. “Let’s go.”

They drive to Chris’s house. The silence between them is filled with the blues music that’s playing quietly, and the back seat is covered with a blanket that looks like it’s made out of dog fur. He knows the only subject that’s likely to make this not uncomfortable. “How’s Dodger?”

Chris beams. “Great.”

“That’s always your answer.”

“Because there’s no way Dodger is anything besides great. Because it’s been scientifically proven he’s the best dog.”

“Scientifically proven, huh?”

“I sent away for the certificate even. Got it framed.” 

“You know if it was anyone else, I’d know they were flipping me shit. You’re not even lying, are you?”

“Nope.” 

Sebastian laughs and Chris’s responding smile makes Sebastian’s pulse beat loud in his ears. “Do I get the honor of petting the world’s greatest dog?”

“World. Ha.”

“Universe?”

“Closer.” Chris allows with a shrug, though his smile doesn’t fade. He starts up the winding road to his driveway. “And I don’t think anything’s going to stop him from climbing all over you. He loves you.”

Sebastian isn’t sure what to say to that, so he just waits for Chris to park and follows him inside. He’s been here a couple of times, but not since everything started with the two of them. So the only lingering memories for him at least are the familiar background from when they actually talked to each other on FaceTime.

The second the front door opens there’s the sound of a jingling collar and nails on the hardwood. Dodger comes thundering out, running to Chris, then Sebastian like he’s not sure where to go. “Hey, Dodger.” Chris’s voice is soft and calm with a hint of laughter.

Dodger gives Chris the most pitiful look then sits calmly between them, though his tail’s wagging like crazy. Sebastian bites back a laugh and Chris gives him a dirty look while fighting his own smile.

“You want to say hi to Sebastian?” A full-body shiver goes through Dodger, and his tail is a blur. “Go ahead. Give him kisses.”

Dodger springs up and Sebastian finds himself with his arms full of very excited dog and a face covered in slobber. “Ass--” He gets cut off as Dodger almost licks into his mouth. “Dod--”

“All right. That’s enough.” Chris reaches out and scratches Dodger’s head. “Go find your bone.” Dodger gives Sebastian one last lick on the underside of his nose, then races back across the floor. “You know where the bathroom is. Get cleaned up and I’ll get the glasses.”

Sebastian hands him the tequila bottle, then takes off his coat, heading for the bathroom. He washes his face then comes back out. Chris is sitting on the couch, back against the arm and knees bent, feet in the middle. 

“So. You talk, I listen.”

“Yeah. Uh.” Sebastian sits down, mirroring Chris’s pose, and reaches for a shot. Downing it, he rests his hands on his knees, letting the glass dangle from his fingers. “I’m not sure what to say or where to start. I mean, I know what I need to say, but…” He blows out a breath. “I was an idiot and an ass. I was scared and I panicked and you got hurt.”

Chris raises an eyebrow but doesn’t say anything, listening just like he said he would. 

“I told you that I had a thing for you. From the start. And I never in a million years would have thought you… That’s why you surprised me the first time. You wouldn’t but you did. And it was amazing. You’re amazing. Scientifically proven, framed certificate amazing.”

Chris rolls his eyes, but Sebastian thinks there might be a hint of a smile at the corner of his mouth. Sebastian takes a deep breath because this is the hard part. The easy part. The truth.

“And I realized it when you stayed with me… But I waited. Made sure it wasn’t just proximity. But I did. I was.” He presses his lips together in a rueful smile. “I am. In love. With you.”

Chris’s expression changes and Sebastian isn’t sure how to read it. It’s not happiness, but he’s not kicking Sebastian out of the house either. He’s not sure what he expected from Chris after a declaration of love coming on the heels of Sebastian treating him like shit.

“And I panicked. Because you’re Chris Evans. You're a big-name actor. You have a career and a following and… And you can’t have a boyfriend.” 

Chris opens his mouth, but Sebastian holds up his hand to stop him, knowing he won’t be able to finish if he doesn’t say it all at once. Chris’s mouth snaps closed and he glares at Sebastian as he takes the time to pour and swallow another shot. 

“I was scared. And you’d… well, you’d risked a lot just to approach me. And you don’t back down. And I didn’t want to hurt your career and I didn’t want to… _you_ to make a mistake with me. So I stopped returning your calls and your texts, hoping you’d get annoyed and move on. But you didn’t. And I knew if I talked to you – tried to talk to you – about it, you’d either lose your shit or kiss me and make me forget how to think.”

He stops and stares at his hands, quiet for a long time. Chris finally clears his throat and takes the bottle off the table, pouring himself another shot. He sips it slowly, waiting until he’s done to speak. “You got caught with that girl on purpose.”

“Yeah.”

“So I’d see it and break things off because you were cheating on me.”

Sebastian shrugs and looks away. “Yeah.”

“Because that was easier than a phone call telling me that you didn’t want this anymore.”

“In retrospect?”

“In _any_ -spect.” Chris leans back against the couch arm. Sebastian can feel his gaze like a brand. “Why do you think I told you?”

“Told me?”

“That it was you I was interested in.”

Sebastian frowns and looks up at him. “I… I don’t know.”

“Because I knew you. I liked you. I wanted you like I’d never wanted anyone before, and I wanted… No. I needed to take a risk to have you, be with you. And I did. Because I was in love with you too.”

“O-oh.”

“Maybe I should have said something. Maybe then you would have just… Not. Maybe I would have scared you away at the beginning, and we’d still be friends.” He shakes his head. “At any rate, it’s way too late for that, and I’m sorry if I’ve been an ass. So maybe we can try to be friends again. Well, friendly. Not sure we can get back whatever we were before we were…”

“What would you have done?” Sebastian doesn’t mean to ask the question, but he can't help himself. “If we’d stayed together.”

“I don’t know. Doesn’t matter anyway.” He sighs and stands up. “Let me call you a cab.”

Sebastian reaches out without thinking and wraps his fingers around Chris’s wrist. “I fucked us up. I’m so sorry. More than I can say.”

“Me too.”

He knows he needs to release Chris’s wrist. Knows he needs to not do anything stupid. “Fuck. I miss you.” He acts without thinking, stretching his legs out on the couch as he pulls Chris down on top of him. Kissing Chris is like drowning, like breathing for the first time in months.

The first kiss is hot and hungry. Both of them make low noises, and Sebastian’s hands wrap around Chris, one settling just above the waistband of his jeans, under his shirt against hot skin. The other settles between his shoulderblades as Chris threads one hand in Sebastian’s hair and curves the other around his neck.

Sebastian breaks the kiss only to kiss him again, the taste of tequila thick on Chris’s tongue as Sebastian sucks on it. Their tongues slide together messily and desperate. Chris moves without pulling away, shifting one leg so he’s straddling Sebastian. They both groan at the contact and Sebastian grabs Chris’s hips and urges him closer.

Chris shivers and lets himself be moved, rocking his hips forward. He bites at Sebastian’s lower lip hard ad sucks it into his mouth. Sebastian slides his hands up, skimming them against Chris’s sides as he works the t-shirt up and over Chris’s head, off his arms, onto the floor.

“Oh fuck yes.” Sebastian pulls Chris even closer, mouth closing hard and tight over his nipple, tongue flicking the nub.

Chris’s breath is a shuddered whimper and he arches into Sebastian, offering himself up. “Oh god. S-s-sebs. Y-yes. Please.”

Sebastian bites and Chris cries out, grinding down against him. Sebastian puts both hands on Chris’s back, holding him close and not letting him move. He jerks back when there’s suddenly a low growl that’s _definitely_ not Chris.

Dodger has his paws on Chris’s thigh and his bared teeth and hot breath are dangerously close to Sebastian’s forearm. Chris’s hand shakes as he reaches down and pets Dodger’s head. “’s okay. I’m okay. I’m alright, Dodger.” Chris is breathless, and it takes him a minute to speak. Dodger growls again and Chris scratches between his ears. “It’s okay. Go… Go back to your bone.”

Sebastian knows he should stop touching Chris to help calm Dodger, but he can’t make himself move his hands away. He keeps stroking Chris’s sides, his back. Dodger growls low again but moves away, though he only goes as far as across the room. Chris frames Sebastian’s face with his hands and tilts his head up. Sebastian meets his eyes before he closes them, kissing him slowly and thoroughly.

Sebastian bites Chris’s lower lip and tugs when Chris pulls back. “Probably shouldn’t mark you up in front of him.”

Chris returns the gesture, biting Sebastian’s lip and sucking on it. “Don’t stop.” His hand goes back to Sebastian’s hair and he tugs hard. “Want your mouth.”

Sebastian groans and Chris lets go of his hair so that he can move forward, get his mouth on Chris’s skin. Chris moans at the touch of Sebastian’s tongue and arches into him. Sebastian bites and sucks, leaving a trail of burgeoning bruises behind.

Chris rubs his palms over Sebastian’s shoulders then hooks his fingers in the collar of Sebastian’s shirt. Sebastian pulls back reluctantly and is even more resistant to pulling away, but Chris pulls his shirt off and gets his hands on him as soon as it’s gone, rubbing his palms against the hair on Sebastian’s chest. 

“Oh, yes.” Sebastian murmurs against Chris’s chest as he moves back in. “Fuck. Love your hands on me.”

Chris laughs low and husky, sliding his hands down to Sebastian’s waist and undoing his belt. He lifts his hips so Chris can undo the fly and get his cock free from his boxer briefs. He feels like he’s on the edge, but he won’t – can’t – tell Chris to stop.

Chris wraps his hand around him, and Sebastian pants against his chest. Nothing's ever felt as good as this, as good as Chris. He sucks on Chris’s other nipple, lighter than he had the first one and tries to get Chris’s pants open. Chris bats his hand away. “Told you I want your mouth.”

Sebastian’s hips jerk and he knows he’s not going to last long. He sucks harder on Chris’s nipple and pinches the other one, trying to throw off Chris’s rhythm so it doesn’t end. Chris is relentless, his grip firm and tight as he keeps Sebastian’s shaft caught inside the foreskin. Sebastian whines low in his throat and comes all over Chris’s hand.

Sebastian pulls Chris into a filthy kiss, fucking into his mouth with his tongue. When he pulls back, he shoves Chris backwards then works his legs free of his jeans so he can lie between Chris’s thighs. Chris rocks his hips up and Sebastian gets his jeans and underwear down to mid-thigh, then takes Chris deep. Chris buries his hand in Sebastian’s hair again, keeping the pressure on his head as he fucks up into his mouth.

Sebastian groans, letting Chris go as deep as he wants. He closes his mouth around him, sucking hard as Chris’s hips rock up. He swallows on every thrust, working his hands under Chris’s ass and squeezing it, trying to get him even deeper, to feel him at the back of his throat.

Chris’s body goes rigid and he gasps as he comes, the hot flood on the back of Sebastian’s tongue. He swallows, mouth constricting and cheeks hollowing until Chris’s body goes slack, slumped on the cushions. Sebastian pulls back and looks up through his lashes. He licks the corners of his mouth clean and crawls up Chris’s body. The kiss is slow and easy, their bodies settled against each other.

Chris closes his eyes as Sebastian rests their foreheads together. “So.”

“Yeah. That…” Sebastian kisses him again.

“I can’t… do this.” Chris shakes his head but not enough to dislodge Sebastian. “A relationship. Not us. Not again.”

“I understand.” Sebastian does and he hates it. Hates that he hurt Chris. Hates that he fucked this up, but he’s so grateful for tonight, that they’re ending on a good thing, that the air’s clear between them.

“But.”

Sebastian’s eyes snap open and he pulls back to look at Chris. He tries like hell to keep the hope out of his voice. “But?”

“We can be friends again, right? Because I miss you.”

“Yes. God yes. I miss you too. So fucking much.”

“And maybe…” Chris’s hands skim up Sebastian’s sides and he struggles not to shiver. “Friends with benefits?”

“Benefits.”

“Yeah. This. Like tonight. Not about feelings. Just sex. I mean, this was good, right?”

“Very good.” Sebastian doesn’t argue that it was good _because_ of feelings. That’s not what Chris wants to hear.

“If you want. I get it if you don’t.” There’s no real expression on Chris’s face. It’s careful and controlled, and Sebastian doesn’t have a name for it. But it’s purely Chris. Part of what makes him who he is.

“I want.” He doesn’t. He wants more. He wants _everything_ but he knows he’s lost his chance at that. “Yes. Definitely.”

Chris lets out a long exhale and smiles. It punches Sebastian in the gut, and he’s thankful that Chris closes his eyes, even more thankful when he kisses him again. “We should clean up. You want to crash here tonight?”

“That’d be great, thanks. Which one’s the guest room?”

“You don’t have to do that. You can sleep with me. If you want.”

“You sure? Dodger won’t get jealous?” He doesn’t actually care because he wants to sleep with Chris again. Wake up with him again.

“He’ll just sleep between us to let you know who’s boss.”

Sebastian laughs, but he intends to hold Chris close enough that Dodger doesn’t stand a chance.

**

He curses himself for spending the night for the next several weeks, because after that, he misses it even more than he had before. The weeks between L.A. and Sundance last forever. They arrange to meet up the night before everything gets started for a few drinks with the rest of the cast. Sebastian is careful to sit away from Chris and out of his direct line of sight. They managed to get adjoining rooms in the hotel, and by the time Sebastian walks to the next room and locks the door behind him, Chris is through their connecting door.

He strips his shirt off and tosses it back in the direction of his room before pushing Sebastian back onto the bed. Sebastian laughs and rolls them over, bracing himself over Chris and smiling down at him. “Well, hi there.”

“Shut up and kiss me.”

“Aye, aye Captain.”

Chris flicks him in the side. “Fucker.”

Sebastian leans down and rubs his nose against Chris’s. “Eskimo kisses?”

Chris shoves them and rolls them over again. He goes down on his elbows to trap Sebastian, then bends his head and flutters his lashes against Sebastian’s cheek. “Butterfly kisses.”

Sebastian frames Chris’s face and pulls him down to kiss him slow and sweet, lips barely pressed together. He’s not completely sure why he’s so breathless when Chris pulls away, but it probably has something to do with how he can’t look away when Chris slowly opens his eyes. Sebastian is absolutely, completely sure that friends with benefits is a load of shit, because he’s still head-over-heels in love with Chris.

Fuck.

“That all you got for me?”

“Not even close.” Sebastian pulls him in again, nuzzling at Chris’s mouth before he licks his lips, sliding his tongue between them when they part. He keeps this one just as slow, refusing to let Chris change the pace. He fucks his tongue in slowly, teasing over Chris’s. He presses the tip against the roof of Chris’s mouth and drags it forward as Chris moans quietly and melts against him. Sebastian makes a sound of his own and wraps his arms around Chris, one hand at the base of his neck and the other on his ass. Chris grinds down and Sebastian throws his leg over both of Chris’s so he can rock up into him.

“Why’re you fully clothed?” Chris murmurs as he breaks the kiss, moving to trail a line of kisses down Sebastian’s throat.

“Because some asshole jumped me and didn’t give me a chance.”

“What a dick.” He tugs the collar of Sebastian’s shirt aside and scrapes his teeth over the muscle between Sebastian’s neck and shoulder before biting down and sucking on the skin. Sebastian arches up against him and moans. He squeezes Chris’s ass and digs his fingers into the denim. “Fuck. Want you so much. Get these fucking pants off.”

Chris laughs against the wet skin. “You gotta let me go first.”

“Fuck that. Be creative.”

“Want you naked too. Want to try something.”

Sebastian whines and lets him go, shimmying out of his jeans and underwear before tugging his shirt off. He sprawls, legs apart, arms thrown to the side. “Okay, Evans. I’m all yours.”

Chris licks his lips. He’s still in his jeans, and he shifts nervously. “Turn over?”

Sebastian’s breath stops as he stares at Chris for a long time before doing as he’s asked. His voice is rough when he manages to speak. “How do you want me?”

Chris gives a shaky laugh. “I’m kind of winging this.”

“You don’t have to do this.”

“I know. And I’m not doing… Just…”

“Okay. Okay.Take your time.” Sebastian tries to relax, but his nerves are singing and his muscles are tight. He hears Chris get undressed and then two soft clicks. Chris kneels between Sebastian’s legs and strokes a shaking hand along his thigh. Sebastian turns his head. “Hey.”

Chris looks up at him. His whole body is flushed, the color darkest on his cheeks. 

Sebastian reaches back and catches Chris’s hand, lacing their fingers and squeezing. “Kiss me.”

Chris nods and leans in. It’s at an odd angle. Chris relaxes into it, but Sebastian can still feel the rapid beat of his pulse. Chris rests his forehead on Sebastian’s temple. “If you don’t want to… I mean, I get it. Just say. I know you know people who know what they’re doing. Who aren’t just…”

Sebastian manages to turn over underneath him, moving his legs up and back down so he’s still bracketing Chris. “I want you. What you want to give me. That’s it. If you don’t want this or aren’t ready for it, that’s _fine_. More than fine.”

“I want to make you feel good. Amazing. Like you make me feel.”

Sebastian groans. “You do, Chris. You _do_.” He raises up, hands on the bed behind him to brace himself. “No one’s ever made me feel like you do. I don’t need to fuck you or have you fuck me.”

“Because I wasn’t exactly going to do that. But I don’t want to disappoint you. And I’ve never…”

Sebastian kisses him hard and guides Chris’s hand down to his cock. He’s hard even though they’re barely touching. He strokes Chris’s hand around him. “This is what you do to me. Just being together. Please. Don’t be afraid or embarrassed or nervous. Just be you.” He manages to stop himself from telling Chris he loves him, but it’s one of the hardest things he’s ever done. He cups Chris’s cheek in his hand. “Okay?”

Chris kisses him then nods. “I’m sorry. I’m--”

“No. No more apologies, okay?” When Chris nods again, Sebastian gives him a filthy smile. “Now you want to go back to looking at my glorious ass, right?”

“Should smack it.” Sebastian’s hands slide out from underneath him at that, and he flops down onto the bed. Chris raises an eyebrow and grins. “Reeeeeally.”

“Shut up.”

“Oh, no. This is valuable information.”

Sebastian sits up and kisses Chris around his laugh. He pulls away with one last smacking kiss, glad that both of them are much more relaxed. He turns over again slowly and Chris runs his hands over Sebastian’s legs and hips as he does. Sebastian shifts and settles, staying slightly off the bed so he’s not quite on his hands and knees.

Chris’s exhale fans along Sebastian’s spine. “Perfect.”

Sebastian closes his eyes, not sure what Chris has planned, so he has no idea how to prepare himself. He hears the click again and feels Chris move closer. Lukewarm lube and Chris’s hot fingers brush the crease of Sebastian’s ass and he sucks in a breath. The fingers continue down, tip brushing over Sebastian’s hole. He can’t help the whine that comes out of his throat, and he has to hold tight to the comforter to keep from clenching around Chris’s finger.

He huffs out a breath as Chris pulls his finger away, and then there’s more lube and two fingers, Chris’s knuckles pushing with firmer pressure. “Oh god, Chris.” He’s shaking just from this. “O-h god.”

Chris presses his knuckle right against the tight, furled skin of Sebastian’s opening, and he has to bury his face in another pillow to keep his noises in check. Chris trails the fingers of his other hand down Sebastian's spine, running through the sheen of sweat in the small of his back.

Chris’s voice is deep and husky. “Good?”

Sebastian laughs shakily. “De-de-definitely.” Chris presses a little harder, and Sebastian drops his head back to the pillow. Chris pulls back then and Sebastian whines, but then Chris is draped over him, his cock, lubed and so hard, is in the crack of Sebastian’s ass, sliding against him.

It takes Sebastian an embarrassingly short time to come, just a few strokes of Chris’s cock, each downward motion causing the tip to catch against Sebastian’s hole. Chris holds Sebastian’s hips and thrusts, so slick and hot, and he’s so lost in the feel and motion of Chris effectively fucking him that he doesn’t even realize he's coming until it’s over.

His ass clenches and he feels Chris’s orgasm against his skin, the pulse of it matching the thrust of Chris’s body. It’s hot and messy and probably the best sex Sebastian has ever had. Chris slumps against him and Sebastian lies there, covered in his and Chris’s come, lost under the weight of Chris’s body.

“Okay?” Chris rasps.

Sebastian grabs both of Chris’s hands in his and pulls him as close as he can everywhere. “Was it okay for you?”

“It’s always good with you.”

He lets out a soft breath and releases Chris’s hands. “Get up?”

Chris moves away, obviously wary, and Sebastian immediately misses him. He moves off the pillow and the wet spot and crawls the short distance to Chris. He straddles him and Chris’s hands settle on his hips. Sebastian stares into his impossibly blue eyes.

Sebastian swallows hard. “I can’t do this.” Chris jerks back like he’s been slapped and it takes all of Sebastian’s strength to keep from being shoved off. “Let me finish.”

“That was pretty clear. Let me go.”

“I can’t do friends with benefits.” Sebastian keeps talking, overriding Chris’s voice. “Because at some point I’m going to slip up and blurt out that I’m in love with you still and that’s not what you want, so I can’t. Because I do. Am. And I know I’m the one that fucked it all up, so it’s my own goddamn fa--”

Chris cuts him off with a hard kiss. He rolls them over, landing Sebastian right back in the wet spot. “Nothing’s changed about the future. Who we are. You know that.”

“Yeah, but I’d rather be with you. Have this. Have you. I don’t want to live worrying about a future that might be.” He traces a finger carefully from Chris’s temple to his jaw. “If it changes – gets too hard, too much, not enough – we can look at it then. And if it’s not enough, if we want more…”

“If you cheat on me again – I don’t care if it’s just kissing or if it’s more. Scarlett’s gonna kick your ass.” Chris makes it sound like a joke, but it’s not and they both know it.

“I won’t.”

“And Scott still wants to have words with you.”

“You mean kick my ass.”

“Pretty much. Yeah.”

“Maybe my boyfriend will put in a good word for me? Since he loves me?”

“What makes you think _he_ won’t kick your ass?” Sebastian thrusts his lower lip out in a pout and Chris laughs. “Yeah. I’ll see what he can do.”

**

Chris, Sebastian, and the movie get nominated and sweep the People’s Choice Awards and the Golden Globes. They’re in Sebastian’s bed when the Oscar nominees are announced. His back is against the headboard and Chris is between his legs and leaning back against him. Sebastian wraps his arms tighter across Chris’s chest and tightens his legs against Chris’s. He bends his head and murmurs softly in Chris’s ear. “Love you.”

“I know. Now shut up.”

Sebastian laughs but does, closing his eyes as the nominees are read off. They save the actors, directors, and pictures for last, and it seems like every other category lasts forever. They finally announce the best actresses; then, before they move onto best actor, Chris wraps his hands around Sebastian’s. 

“They’re gonna say your name.”

“I know. Now shut up.”

They do and Chris turns his head and kisses the hell out of Sebastian through the names of the last three nominees. Sebastian pulls back when they start to announce the directors and he forces Chris to turn around. They both tense as the first four names are read. Chris’s shoulders slump and Sebastian tugs him even closer. “It’s okay. It’s…”

“And for _Cracks in the Pavement_ , Chris Evans.”

Sebastian wraps his legs over Chris’s thighs, full-body hugging him as close and tight as he can. “Ha. Knew it.” He kisses Chris’s neck. “Oh ye of little faith.”

Chris threads his fingers through Sebastian’s and leans back. “We’re nominated for Oscars.”

“We are.”

“I’m fucking Captain America and Johnny Storm. What the fuck are they thinking?”

“They’re thinking that you’re fucking amazing. And I ain’t just talking about you in bed.” Chris elbows him and Sebastian laughs. “You ready to be the Oscar-nominated director of an Oscar-nominated film?”

“You don’t know--”

“Shut up. Don’t question what I know, Christopher.”

Chris elbows him again, harder this time. “I really want this.” His voice is soft and full of doubt. 

“You’re gonna get it.” He knows he can’t actually hold him closer, but he tries anyway. “It’s good, Chris. Better than good. That kind of box office can’t be wrong.”

“Since when is box office a signifier of quality?”

Sebastian shrugs. “Quiet.”

“I liked it better when there were five.”

This time he bites Chris’s earlobe. “Quiet.”

“Our seventh nominee for best picture is _Cracks in the Pavement_ , director Chris Evans, producers Matthew Hardgrove and Chris Evans.”

Chris lets out a shuddering sigh that ends on an incredulous laugh. “Holy shit.”

“Turn around.” Sebastian’s voice is low and hot. “C’mere.” Chris does as he’s told and Sebastian kisses him, holding his face between his hands. “I bet if we turn our phones on we’re not going to get to do this for the rest of the day, so we’re gonna take a few minutes. Just for us.”

Chris tilts his head and their mouths fit together perfectly. They’ve been kissing for almost two years now, and it’s still new and surprising the different ways they’ve found to learn each other’s mouths. Every kiss feels like something they’re just discovering. 

Sebastian’s sunk down onto his back on the bed by the time they’re finished, and Chris’s weight grounds him. “Tell you a secret?” Chris asks softly.

“Tell me anything.”

“I went looking for a script for you. For me to direct you. That’s how I found this.”

“You’re shitting me.”

“No.”

“Oh my god. You used a script to _seduce_ me.” Sebastian laughs and kisses Chris again. “You might be my favorite.”

“Might be?” Chris raises an eyebrow. “Did you just say _might be_?”

Sebastian shakes his head. “I love you, you idiot. Now call your mom.”

**

He knows it’s inevitable, even if they both like to pretend it isn’t. They don’t talk about it, even though they probably should, because one day they’re going to get the question, and he knows neither of them has any idea what the answer should be. 

And, of course, it has to happen on the Academy Awards red carpet. They’re walking together, acting like best friends and co-nominees, always so careful, when they get pulled up on the platform for NBC. They get asked the usual inane questions about who they’re wearing and how they feel about being nominated. They both answer just like they’re supposed to when the hammer falls.

“I’ve noticed neither of you have been bringing dates to the award shows.”

“Well, we’re both nominees and we’re good friends. It just seemed natural.”

Chris nods. “Plus we’re dating.”

Sebastian _thinks_ the whole press area and fan stadiums go dead silent, but that might just be because he can’t hear them over the roar of the blood in his ears.

“Oh. I… I see.” The interviewer, and Sebastian’s completely forgotten her name if he even knew it in the first place, looks completely floored as well as absolutely thrilled that she happened to get the scoop. “And how long have you been together?”

“Officially?” Chris reaches over, takes Sebastian’s hand, and squeezes it. “Since not long after the movie shoot was done. I mean, we had some ups and downs, but…” He turns and smiles at Sebastian. “But yeah. We’re together. Two years. Give or take. Right, Sebastian?”

He nods dumbly, unable to look away from Chris. “I… Uh. Yes. Two. Two? Two.”

Chris leans in and presses his forehead to Sebastian’s. “And I’m pretty lucky that he’s my best friend as well. And amazingly talented.”

“And what made you decide to announce this now?”

“Because when he wins tonight, I’m going to kiss the hell out of him, so I figured I should maybe get a head start.” His eyes are bright as he presses a quick kiss to Sebastian’s lips. “Rehearsal, you know. Anyway, we should get to our seats.”

Sebastian doesn’t get a chance to say anything until they get past the last few people at the door -- asking them again about being first-time nominees and, since gossip travels faster than anything else in L.A. - - about their relationship. Chris keeps the answers light, and Sebastian follows his lead. Once they’re seated, he rounds on Chris.

“What the actual fuck?”

Chris bites his lower lip. “I’m sorry. I didn’t… It just sort of slipped out, and I didn’t have the right to say it, and it wasn’t --”

“You told people. You told the _press_ that we’re dating.”

His shoulders hunch and he looks down. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make that choice for you. I just… Fuck, I fucked up your career. Shit, Sebs. I’m sorry. Fuck.” Chris has an ability to make himself look small, and right now he looks about the size of Leander. 

“Hey, hey.” Sebastian reaches out and rubs his hand up and down Chris’s back. “Hey. Look at me.” He uses his other hand to cup Chris’s chin and force him to look at him. He smiles and shakes his head. “You told the fucking press we’re dating.”

“Yes.” It’s not exactly a question, but he can hear the nervousness in Chris’s voice, and Sebastian can’t help kissing him again.

“And we’re taking home three fucking Oscars.”

“We don’t _know_ that.”

“Don’t doubt me. And shut up. This is going to be the best night of our lives.”

**

When they get home with all three Oscars off somewhere being engraved, Chris absolutely refuses to admit Sebastian was right until they’re both spent, lying together with their hands around each other’s cocks, stomachs sticky with come. Sebastian looks at him and Chris smiles the same devastating smile that made Sebastian fall for him in the first place.

“What?”

“ _Now_ it’s been the best night of our lives.”

The smile seems impossibly wider. “So far.”


End file.
